The Night We Met

Chapter Eight

I see moments fading away, like the rolling credits of a movie. I hear words, see memories of us together. All goes away in a flash of seconds, like a slide show of an old rusted tape, blurry images and echoing words.

"Truth being, you are not the kind of girl to mess around, you are the kind of girl who is serious and who knows what she's doing, and who can take the hardest task on her shoulders. You are the type of girl who is strong and intelligent in all words. And like every strong, intelligent and beautiful soul, ever existing, existed and will exist in this universe, there is a weak side to all. We all have our weaknesses. We all have our problems and we all have our weight to carry and we'll have a catch in our life.

I don't want to be your weak side Melissa. I don't want you to get sad and vulnerable because of me. I don't want you to break apart just for the reason that this relationship didn't work out. I don't want you to fall in love with me. I want to be as more friendly as possible with you. I want you to be strong and powerful enough so that you can carry on your own weight. You're special, like I told you before. You're unique. But, this is the only thing that I want from you. Don't make me your weakness. Don't put me on your safe side. Don't let your guards down. Never trust me blindly, or anyone. Never.
I've a very bad taste and sense in romance. I'm not romantic. Sorry".

......

"You call yourself a broken peace of a puzzle, and I have never stopped finding meaning in that broken puzzle. I'm a broken puzzle myself. A faulty one too. I don't match with people. I am the definition of a loner. I love things in my own way ".

......

" Questions like, how do I know if this is it? How do I answer to all these questions I have rounding up every single day? You see, I wanted to venture, I wanted to see the world itself first. Maybe because I haven't had that much female acquaintances. I never even went this deep with anyone before? How do I know, this is it?"

.....

" I think more than one time I have told you that I have learnt to cry silently. Despite the meaning it iterates, it also meant that I'm the one who has learnt to shy away from things, emotion and empathy. I don't think I moved away or something. You've a literary heart. A good one. And people will tell you, that it worths nothing. Hear it from the person who has seen that heart, who claims to have ventured in an adventure with your soul once. You're more than you think you're."

........

"Like all the gods of stars have held their lights to give us an end to the lifeless, lightless tunnel, to understand and see life from a different story. I want to find the answers to all my confusions. I want to know what it feels like. I want you to do so too. I don't believe in getting over or breakups. This simply doesn't exist. I also know that you love adventures. How can it be an adventure if you tie part of yourself with the past and part of yourself with the present? What if these years count? And we end up realizing we're meant to be for each other? Or what if we end up differently? I know you'll disagree and you'll think how stupid of me to even think that life can imitate art. You'll say that our concept of love, feelings and soulmates are different and we always agree to disagree. I know you will hate me all your life. But are you sure you won't regret later? "

I find myself saying," I can't hate you. If I hate you, I'll hate myself too. That's not an option if I want to die in peace".

......

"Melissa, if we ever go apart, will you think that I played you?"

......

"Melissa, I'm not sure about my life or my future. But the only thing I'm sure about is, I want to write with you. A novel, a script, a poem, anything. Will you do that for me, someday?"

......

"Melissa, will you be my Robin? I want to make a pact with you, in case we break up someday. If we're 40 and still single, I want you to be my backup wife and spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do that?"

......

I find myself asking, "Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise, Melissa. Cross my heart promise".

......

I don't understand what's happening. Why's time passing by so fast? I can hardly grasp on to any moment. I am clueless untill I find myself sipping on wine, sitting in front of him for a brief moment.

"You're right. I think we both need some time to ourselves" his world slowly reach my ear drums, then hitting certain nerves in my brain like guitar strings playing in pitchy unmelodious order. I stand up and run to my car. The next thing I know I'm drowning. All my senses are numb. Knowing it's all the same.

Falling in love is like handing someone a loaded gun and trusting them not to shoot you.

But we do it all the time, knowing the ultimate ending. There's no happy endings. Stories with happy endings are just stories that haven't been finished. Like ours.

Like the night we met. Unfinished cliche love story.

What was that night actually? Miracle? No. Coincidence? Coincidences are just incidents that have a higher possibility of happening. So be it. A coincidence of two messed up people meeting each other and thinking that they have found their soulmates, not experiencing what a heartbreak is ever before.

Silly teenagers. They don't know what a heartbreak feels like.

Am I heartbroken? Yes.

Do I hate him? No.

Will I do it all over again, knowing what a heartbreak feels like? Probably not. Probably yes. Who knows?

I faintly hear sirens and beeping sound of machines and people chattering. The sounds around me slowly fades into complete darkness. I lungs burn and my stomach burns and I feel like my whole body is on fire.

I feel like someone suddenly has lent me a gulp of air out of the blue. My lungs don't burn for a few seconds and then start burning again.

I don't know how many times I've had this small gulps of air and a little relief from this burning and choking feeling. But everything stops suddenly.

Nothing.

Void.

Empty.

****

"Sorry, we've lost her".