A/N: okay so I'm almost done with copy and pasting all this just one more chapter and then a little thing explaining some plans but that one is gonna be different then the one actually out over on ao3 XD
Also yeah this is where I definitely improved kinda I mean its better then the first few XD
Enjoy!
{Trigger warning}
Suicide attempt, blood, angst, pain a lot,
Aizawa sat on his bed looking up at the person yelling at him. He didn't care who it was but for some reason he couldn't tell, "just get out" he said this in a tired voice but whoever was yelling probably took that as rudeness and slapped him
After they left Aizawa looked to the ground trying to calm down the rising anger.
Before he remembered his childhood, remembered how something like this happened before. "Just gonna repeat my past.." He stared at the ceiling before falling asleep.
" YOU BRAT! YOU BRAT! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! " he shivered moving back but couldn't get away and got beat up by his dad. "WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BAD CHILD BE PERFECT YOU MISTAKE!" he always got beat up for low scores on tests, fights they heard he got in, beat him up when he got in detention . They really just beat him up for not being perfect, which was bullshit since perfect wasn't real.
After his "parents" left him to bleed out, he got up and limped to the cabinets to fix himself up, doing so he grabbed a knife and debated if he should try or not. He knew it wasn't a good idea but its not like there was something else to do. So he started cutting he felt relief, cutting didn't hurt much as he was used to pain.
Aizawa opened his eyes breathing out before turning to face the wall. He didn't want to get up, the last few days rough and everyone was mad at him for something. He didn't know why they just were mad at him, hearing a knock on his door he stayed silent not wanting to talk to anyone at this point. " sensei are you here..." The voice was quiet but he could tell who it was.
" Yes.... " he grumbled turning to the door to see Kouda. he turned back to the wall, he knew class started a few minutes ago he didn't care and he knew the class didn't care. Kouda looked to the ground not sure what to do, "I know I know I'll be there in a few minutes" Kouda nodded walking just out the door before looking at the man still lying in bed with worry and sad.
Aizawa walked down the long hallway towards his classroom, he remembered walking down these hallways head hung low he was just reliving his past only he was falling deeper into the hell hole created not so long ago almost hitting rock bottom.
He was about to enter the room when he heard his students talking about him.
"Sensei isn't that great if a teacher is he" he heard someone say, "no wonder they treated him like a villain at the press conference they probably know how he acts" he froze. was that really what they thought of him. "Wonder why he's so........ So"
He opened the door looking at the ground. Everyone froze hoping he didn't hear anything.
(Time skip)
His class ended and he headed to the lounge. On his way there he thought about everything that happened and realised he was so alone and no one actually gave a damn about him no matter what he did.
Walking down the hall he decided to not go into the staff room and listen to what they were talking about.
"Aizawa's been acting strange hasn't he?" " Yeah I guess but he's always been strange " "Hizashi's got a point" "hm I guese" "he's kinda broken don't you think?" " Not his fault but yeah he's been so depressing to be around and he can't do anything right anymore " "he can't even take his own advise" "should we really be talking about him" "eh doesn't matter" "it kinda does"
Sighing he walked away and to the roof holding back tears. Guess today is talk shit about Aizawa day he really couldn't catch a break.
He walked up the stair case thinking about what everyone said.
Broken
Strange
Depressing
Bad teacher
Villain
He didn't want to repeat his childhood didn't want to live through hell again. He wanted to end it like he did long ago but got stopped, treated like he was insane treated like he was fragile and item, a nobody.
But not this time he was goimg to be free. It was what everyone wanted right? Even if thats not true they still treated him like he didn't even matter anymore. Anymore? Did he matter at all? Or was he really weak.
He opened the door to the roof and took off his scarf and utility belt. Just as he was taking his boots off he remembered all the times in his high school years he came up to this roof.
All the times he thought he had a reason to leave and live. That all got wiped away like nothing.
Before he could get any closer to the edge he pulled out the knife in his pocket slowly lifting up my sleeve looking at all the new cuts.
I finished letting the blood drip down. Turning around I picked up my guitar as I never got the chance to take it after Eri wanted to see the stars once and have him play.
That was a good time to feel happy. Sadly good times for him don't last long enough as she had a new family now which was good since he wasn't good enough.
He hadn't picked up the guitar for a while so it felt new. He remembered everything letting a tear fall down his cheek.
He helped Shinsou into the hero course, he thought of Eri as a daughtet, he protected his students with his life on the line, he helped his colleagues when they were in pain.
And he got nothing in return. Only pain. More pain.
He played the few songs he wrote for he didn't know how long but it was dark out.
He got to the end of his last song before dropping the guitar and grabbing onto the railing. Breathing out remembering every time he had his back stabbed every time he was wronged, every time he was forced out of something, every time he cared for someone they left him in the dust, rock bottom, and he came back stronger, but now he was just weak.
He stood there letting go of the rail letting his hands Drop to his side letting the blood drip down letting every hateful word get to him finally letting go letting his guard down letting the tears fall. The pain hurt him, Burn him up, kill any hope he had.
Maybe there was perfect and he was a perfect disaster perfect failure, perfect monster, perfect mistake, perfect at hurting everyone around him.
If he died there was someone to take his place so it didn't matter if he was gone. The students didn't care. His so called friends didn't care. No one did they took everything from him, took his hope, his love, his peace, his happiness, his life and just burned it until it was gone. All he had in his heart was tiny pieces tiny shards enough to kill himself.
He tried his best in everything he tried to he a good teacher and friend. He changed himself for everyone. He changed everything to fit in only to be kicked to the ground and thrown away. He did everything he could to help get them out of his class and never have to see him again.
Everyone was right all along he was useless, broken, horrible, worthless, monster, he didn't deserve to live. The students will learn more and be better heros if they had a different teacher. His colleagues would do better without him.
Just as he was one step away from being free from this hell hole he heard someone running towards him calling his name although it was muffled and distant.
He turned around as he fell and saw multiple people he heard them yelling saw the pain in their eyes. Hee didn't care he gave everything he had and was left with nothing. He saw a hand before everything went dark.
YOU ARE READING
running low on time
FanfictionLately Aizawa has felt so alone the thoughts in his mind have had a big impact on him making him question life, so what will happen when his world crumbles before his eyes as memories he wishes to forget get brought up to haunt him. And what will h...
