Agape

Get a grip Ella

Chapter 12

Declan:

My heart is fucking racing like no tomorrow, an incessant pulse felt throughout my whole entire body. My emotions are running wild, so fucking wild. Anger for one, regret another, sadness a third, and lastly worry.

Ellie for obvious reasons claiming my mind.

She infuriates me, sometimes she can be so closed off it's truly maddening. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong and she wouldn't let me fix it. It kind of hurt. Okay if I'm being real, it was like a punch to the gut, a hell of a punch too.

What made me even angrier were the words flowing right out of my mouth like a fucking fountain. I couldn't stop them, they just came out before I could even catch them. Each word that spilled out hurt her more each time. I could see it and I couldn't even stop it.

She was crying, no balling and the sight made my heartache. But the thought of her keeping something from me was powerful enough for me to keep my distance. I wanted to hug her, to kiss her tears away, to just touch her. But I couldn't give her my comfort, not when she couldn't be honest with me.

If only she could understand her worries aren't a fucking burden to me. If she carries them, then I carry them too, it's that simple. She needed to just apprehend that.

Now all I can see is her all upset like a stamp etched in my mind. Her little hiccups jerking her whole body, her sad puffy eyes, and reddened cheeks. Her hair was even sticking to her face due to the moisture leaking from her eyes.

She was a mess, still as angelic as ever though.

She tried to touch me but I pushed her away. I even walked out on her, I forced myself to. I didn't want to hurt her more than I already was. I couldn't stand seeing her sadness any longer.

She needed to tell me on her own accord, I couldn't force it out of her. She had to say whatever it was willingly. Until she can do that, no matter how hard it will be, I will wait.

A cigarette would be really fucking great right about now, but I wouldn't smoke behind Ella's back no matter how mad I am at her. That shits done with.

"Declan." Riley murmurs from the back seat.

I glance into my review mirror so I can see her. "Yes?"

Her big blue eyes watch me, an innocence clinging to her. She tilted her head to the side as if she were thinking. "I thought Ellie was coming, how come she's not with us?" She queries.

A sigh leaves my lips. How do I explain this to a five almost six years old? I wasn't going to lie to her, because one day when she's older I want her trust. She should never have to feel like she has to lie to me either.

Before telling her, I blow out a big breath of air. "Loving somebody always has its ups and downs. Nobody's relationship is perfect," I say, my hands squeezing the steering wheel. "Ellie and I got in a disagreement so now we need some time apart."

"But why?" She questions. "If you love each other then why did you fight?"

Oh, Riley...if only life were that fucking easy. Five-year-olds and their questions, I swear. She can really be curious sometimes and it can be really difficult to answer some of her questions.

"Not everyone is alike Riley, sometimes differences cause problems," I explain, taking a left onto the road of my apartment. "If everyone was perfect, life would be boring."

She frowns. "Are you upset, D?"

I smile, one thing I love about Riley is her heart, she had a huge heart just like my Ellie. Her concern had my anger reducing at an accelerated rate. "Not at you baby girl, just at the world."