Rants & Ravings of a "Karen"

Writing Challenge Day 3

Day 3 - A Memory

So as I began to think about what I wanted to write about I had so many things floating though my head,so many things that I routinely write about. As a recovering addict each year at my anniversary I usually write a long piece for my Facebook about where I was on May 12, 2008 the day I took my last drug. But that I have written about well 12 times and dare I say that gets old. So I pushed that one aside. So I began thinking about other stories I tell and those too have been told. So I came upon this one memory of a trip, a trip I was very blessed to have been able to take, a trip not many 9th grade students would be able to say they got to go on. And even less would be able to say they got to experience it the way I did. So I found my memory and I am sure that even people that went on this trip would be shocked to know what I experienced on this trip.

So I will give a very brief background I went to a very exclusive all girl private boarding high school, although I was a day student there since I lived close by. I only attended there for my freshman and the first half of my sophomore years I still have friendships with more of those classmates than I do with the students that I went to school with all the other years. So at this school they had a very special program each May, exams finished up and several weeks were spent in an intensive learning experience. So the girls could choose, so say if you took french you might go to France, if you took Spanish you might go to Spain. If you were one of the girls serious about horsemanship they had a course for you. Well that particular year they had a trip to Hawaii. Yeah hello 2 weeks 4 islands, no parents. Not a bad deal I know, so I begged and pleaded and finally convinced my parents that it would save them driving me back and forth to school for 2 weeks if I got to go. They weren't too worried they had already sent me off to France for 10 days with my middle school french class the summer before. Holy shit I sound like a spoiled little shit. But believe me I wasn't. Now mind you the plans for this were made months ahead of time like way before Christmas.

Springtime rolls around I'm getting so excited about this trip one of the other day students and I think the only other freshman going is set to be my roommate and it's going to be a blast the teacher going is my history teacher and she's young and a lot of fun. It's April and my friend hasn't been in school for a week. We have a trip meeting one night in preparation for our trip where we learn that my roommate has mono and will not be going. Promises that it will all work out. I know some of the other girls but they are all older than me and all live on campus. Inside I'm devastated.

Here is where my memory falters a bit. From the moment I heard she wasn't going until being in the hotel room the first night I really have no detail. I am sure we took some sort of vehicle to the airport, I am sure we boarded a plane, probably had to change planes somewhere. But once we arrived in Oahu and got to the hotel the decision was made that since there was no easy way to put me in a room with other girls I got stuck with the teacher. My heart sank... great. Now I wanted to go home. Most of the other 6-8 can't remember how many girls I didn't feel liked me. My friend wasn't there. So I spent a lot of the trip exploring the places we went alone.

Our hotel was several like 8 or 10 blocks off Waikiki Beach, I had been to Hawaii with my family many years before. I wandered the streets, went to the beach, got sunburnt. Ate at small places hung out some with the group. Did the big tour things with the group and spent a lot of time on the phone calling my parents begging them to bring me home. I was very unhappy. I think the main reason was because during the day when I would get to hang out with the other girls I would hear about the things they would do "after-hours" when of course I was in my room with our teacher. No breaking the rules when you are sleeping 6 feet from the chaperone. We did get to do some pretty cool things and I wish at the time I would have embraced them a bit more. We ate dinner in Chinatown where I refused to try any of the food. What was I thinking I am sure I missed some great food. We explored the Hawaiian village which was fun we got to go to a luau. We went to the cemetery where NASA astronaut Ronald McNair is buried, side note the road behind my house is named after him. We got to take a boat out to the U.S.S. Arizona.

We also went to the Big island of Hawaii. The island of Kauai and Maui. This all being said, I look back fondly at the trip and I am sure glad I got the opportunity to go, even though I am sure I was a total pain in the ass to my parents. Much of my teenage years I was completely unbearable. And I am now understanding that as I go through my own youngest daughters teenage years. I can't even say how many days I pick up the phone to call my mom these days and can't make the call because I'm crying so bad. I just want to call her and tell her how sorry I am for what I a little shit I was. I was horrible to her, to my father, to everyone around me..

But as I look back at this trip and how I spent the majority of it alone with only a few dollars a day in my pocket while the other girls had their credit cards, I wonder if any of them knew what I was doing and where I was all the time I wasn't with the group. I wonder if they knew how alone and different I felt how scared I was. Worried I would say or do the wrong thing in front of them? And in all honesty I can only remember 2 girls names that were on that trip and I know for sure I only communicate with Nicky, not sure if Michelle has Facebook or not I know her sister did at one point but I think I might share this with a few of these school friends. It was a fun trip, not matter how many times I called home screaming and crying. And if I had to do it again I would. Shit to be alone at 15 in Hawaii no freaking question.... would I let hailey go on the same trip... not a fucking chance.... yeah I know, but damn sometimes I just have to be a parent and she's not me and I know my kid and I know that the world in May 1989 is a different universe than May 2020. There are things you could do in May 1989 that you definitely can't do in May 2020.  Just a few of the obvious ones, shake hands, hug, leave your home, pick up a love one at the gate of an airport, carry more than 3 ounces on an airplane. Park a box truck on the street of NYC. The list goes on.

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