30 Day Writing Challenge

Day 8

3 July 2020

Day 8: Share something you struggle with

Okay I'm gonna be honest, what's the point of all this if I'm not?

Self control when it comes to food:

Okay, that probably sounds bad, but it's not as bad as you think

It's not like I'm overweight or anything, it's just, dear I don't actually know what to write.

Saying, it's just one more cookie, it's just one more muffin. But then one turns to three and three turns to six and so on.

I've made the mistake of telling myself, 'Just one more,' countless times before. And I probably don't have society's ideal body.

My stomach isn't 100 percent flat, very near but not quite.

And my thighs are probably thicker than they should be, but I did loose weight.

Last year at some point, it was pretty bad, and I realised that. I started working out, not heavily, just a few times a week. I drank more water and the main thing is, I stopped eating the extra unnecessary food.

Before I wanted to do it, I asked myself. Am I hungry? Do I need this?

And I told myself, We don't do that anymore. Remember your goal. You can't achieve your goals if you do this.

My goal was to be able to wear all the clothes I felt I couldn't wear.  And not only that, but it made me unhappy.

Because, one day last year, I just realised it. Like a bunch of bricks falling on my head. I realised that I'm not the weight I want to be. I found myself sucking in my stomach when I wore tight shirts (and it was barely noticeable but I didn't know that at the time)

I didn't feel happy with my body, I didn't like myself like that. I didn't like feeling uncomfortable when wearing a short, because I'm scared someone will say that my thighs are too thick.

I felt unhappy, knowing I couldn't wear the nice cool sleeveless shirts or shirts with straps in the summer because if my stomach (like I said, it wasn't that bad but it felt that bad)

Don't get me wrong, I didn't stop eating. I just stopped eating when it wasn't unnecessary. I stopped eating just because it's good, or I couldn't get enough.

And now I'm very happier, like I said my stomach isn't 100 percent flat, my thighs are probably too thick in society's opinion.

But you know what? That's their problem, you will never be skinny enough, tall enough, fat enough, slim enough, curvy enough. They'll always find problems. But they don't matter, you matter.

As long as you are happy with your body, that's all that matters :)

I still struggle with getting that one cookie to many sometimes, hell I did it yesterday. But I'm not letting it get out of control.

I'm perfectly happy with my body as it is and I'm not screwing it up again.

So yeah, I don't think I can say anything else and yeah.

Enjoy your day!

And sparkle on ;)