B.O.A.T - Brownest of All Time

Chapter 21

So, yesterday though I eagerly opened the message from Sameer, it was nothing but another disappointment. He had sent me a forward message asking me to 'like' something on Facebook as a way of voting for his friend for some contest.

In a way, I thought maybe he was trying to initiate a conversation with me indirectly so I did reply back asking, "how are you? 😊" The message was seen as soon as I sent it but no reply came from him until now.

I was having such a fab time at Pigeon Island yesterday until he ignored my text. When that happened, my heart broke once again and my mood was spoilt too. Even the beauty of the place couldn't make me happy afterwards.

Ever since then, I couldn't enjoy any of the other spots we visited yesterday. When we went back to the room, I wanted to at least tell Naomi but because Tanisha was there, I couldn't do it. So I just locked myself up in the washroom and cried.

Here we are at the Fort Frederick now and I still can't get myself to enjoy the scenic beauty of this place. We are walking up a steep hill to reach the Koneswaram temple, yet another important spot in magnificent Trincomalee, and I'm feeling uninterested as ever!

For years I've wanted to visit these places and today I've finally got the opportunity but I'm just wasting it thinking of that stupid Sameer. I hate myself. I hate Sameer. I feel like breaking into tears right here, right now, but I can't even do that.

I keep walking lethargically when Naomi slows her pace and waits for me. "What's going on? You don't seem to enjoy the trip at all" she says.

I smile and this time since no one else is around, I tell her everything. I keep hoping that she would say something positive as always but then she looks at me sadly and says, "Darling, I am sorry to say this but I think he has lost interest in you. This is exactly what my ex did too. He became so distant but he never told me directly that he wanted to breakup with me. He wanted me to make the decision. I feel it's the same case here too."

My heart sinks the moment I hear that. So, it's really the end then? Is there no hope for me at all?

"But why won't he just dump me then? Why does he expect me to do it?" I ask her with tears in my eyes.

She sighs and says, "That's how men are. They want us to do it so that later on they can use that as a sympathy story for themselves and make us look like the bad people."

We both sigh at the same time. Before I speak ,she says once again, "I have been in that place, so I know how hard it is. Just talk to him and be done with it, Ilhaam. Don't suffer like this." I nod my head and we both continue to walk.

I just want to go back home right now. I'm tired of fake smiling with everyone. I just want to lie in bed and cry my eyes out. Everyone is talking excitedly about another boat ride at this beach area close to Koneswaram but I'm clearly not interested.

I don't know whether this is the right time to do this, but if Sameer really wants a breakup, let me make it easy for him now.

I start texting Sameer and surprisingly he replies back fast this time. Must be very eager to break up with me.

Me: we need to talk
Me: I know u are going to ignore my message as always but this is important
Me: No more lying Sameer
Me: just tell me are u serious about me?
Sameer: 🙄
Me: dude pls stop that
Me: I know something is wrong
Me: u don't want me anymore but u are expecting me to end this
Me: but I won't do it
Me: u have to make the decision
Me: there's no point in this silent treatment
Me: can we pls get on a call?
Sameer: what can I say?
Me: the truth of course!
Me: do u want me or not?
Me: u don't have to feel bad
Me: you've hurt me enough already
Me: just say it
Sameer: I think u deserve someone better than me
Me: bullshit
Me: what does that even mean?
Sameer: I don't want to give u false hope
Me: so u were lying to me from the beginning?
Me: u never loved me?
Sameer: I did
Me: oh so it's "did"...not "do"
Sameer: try to understand
Me: understand what?
Me: even now u are not saying anything openly
Sameer: I am not in a position to marry u now
Me: did I ask u to marry me now?
Sameer: u didn't say that but your family will expect me to yeah
Me: but we discussed that
Me: and I can convince my family
Me: I can convince anyone as long as u are strong about your feelings
Me: pls don't do this to me
Sameer: Ilhaam it's for your own good
Sameer: rather than making u wait for 4 years and then breaking ur heart, it's better to do it now itself
Me: I don't get it Sameer
Me: is it Aisha?
Me: are u in love with her again?
Sameer: it's just me
Me: u are not even giving me a proper reason
Sameer: I don't know Ilhaam
Sameer: I'm just a middle-class boy and I shouldn't be in love with anyone right now
Sameer: pls try to understand
Me: oh wow
Me: so middle-class people can't fall in love?
Me: didn't u know this when u started this relationship with me 3 months ago?
Me: FYI I'm from a middle-class family too but u know the difference between u and me? I'm brave enough to make my choices whereas u r a coward
Sameer: I know I am wrong
Me: I was just happy with my life, right? It was u who started talking to me first, messaged me and even proposed to me. And now u talk bullshit like this?
Sameer: I shouldn't have done this to u
Me: whatever it is let's fix it pls
Me: I can wait for you
Me: I will speak to my parents
Me: pls don't let me down
Sameer: I'm sorry
Sameer: I have no other option
Me: what do u mean?
Me: so u want to breakup?