B.O.A.T - Brownest of All Time

Chapter 43

I wake up feeling all sweaty and with a pounding heart. Yet another nightmare about me getting drowned in water. Why is it happening for the second consecutive day? I mean, yes, I did go to bed last night thinking of the response that I could give to Zayan. But what connection does it have with my Trinco incident? This is strange. I'm more afraid now.

I unlock my phone to find a message from Mr. Perfect Jawline that says, "where's the survey results? 🤔" I smile as soon as I read it. I know it's nothing but the fact that he texted me early in the morning, expecting an analysis of my stupid survey makes me happy. It's like he really gives a damn about my actions, even if they are dumb.

That's the thing with Zayan. He is sweet. He is funny. He is caring. He puts a lot of effort. The truth is, there's hardly anything that I could find wrong about him. He is almost perfect. He is like the ideal man that I always wanted. And my heart is very much convinced to say 'yes' to him but a few negative thoughts stop me from doing it.

I mean, all men are nice at the beginning, right? Even Sameer was. It is only after they win the love of the woman that their real characters get revealed. And that is one of my biggest fears in falling in love with Zayan. What if he changes too? What if he stops liking me? What if he leaves one day without even giving me a proper reason just like what Sameer did? And what if he never comes back because I'm not worth it? So many thoughts. So many fears. How am I going to find the right solution amidst all of this?

It is true that being around Zayan gives me a sense of calmness and a lot of happiness — the kind of vibes that I get only around my family. I absolutely adore his positivity and humor. But accepting his love or agreeing to marry him is going to be tough for it's a chance that I need to take with my life. This decision could either make me or break me forever.

And right now my peace matters to me more than anything else. I mean, I've been single for so long that I find comfort in this way of life now. I don't think I need to allow a man access to mess it up for me. I definitely don't want to go back to my insecurities or start crying over a failed relationship again. Things are good the way they are.

You know what I feel sometimes? I think of Zayan as this rare and lavish piece of jewelry that I would love to possess, for it would give me some sort of dignity in the society and raise a few eyebrows wherever I go. But then again, you know what comes with owning such beautiful embellishments, right? You would get so obsessed with it that you would go to bed and wake up each day, fearing that someone might steal it from you. Your entire life would revolve around it, and one day if and when it's gone, you would feel like part of your soul is gone too. So, that's the thing. Though jewels could adorn you, they are not necessarily needed for survival. And I guess, it's the same case with a husband too. You could either live with or without one.

Anyway, I still haven't decided anything though. There is a part of me that believes that Zayan might be truly a gentleman and that I need him in my life. So, yeah perhaps I'm still analyzing yesterday's survey results and all the other data that my mind has gathered about him over the past four months. I hope and I pray that I make the right decision. It's time for me to think as a realist and not just as a hopeless romantic.

I start texting back Zayan and as always, he loads my phone with instant replies. One point to love him — consistency!

Me: survey data still under analysis 🤓
Zayan: drama queen 👸🏾
Zayan: when can I expect the results? 🤔
Me: as soon as possible, sir 😉
Me: it might take a few days, weeks or months
Zayan: 😏💔
Me: 😂
Zayan: are u at least coming to do survey #2 today? 👀
Me: nah 😤
Zayan: why not?
Me: coz I have no need to visit Colombo 🤷🏾‍♀️
Zayan: but aren't you dying to see me? 😝
Me: no thanks 😂
Me: plus I got work dude
Zayan: so much work that u can't spare a few minutes for me? 🤔
Me: yeah thanks to u, I've been distracted and
couldn't work properly in the last 2 days 😏
Zayan: are u serious?
Me: yup
Me: why would I lie?
Zayan: sorry then 😕
Zayan: pls complete ur work first
Me: Aww
Me: sweet 💛
Zayan: stop flirting 🤨
Me: whaaaat??
Zayan: u just called me sweetheart 😉
Me: 🤦🏾‍♀️
Me: yellow heart means friendship
Zayan: friendzoned?
Me: clientzoned 😈
Zayan: 🙁
Me: ok so I will be done with work by 3 pm
Zayan: noted ma'am
Zayan: I shall come back for the survey results after that then 😎
Me: 😄👌🏾