One Tail at a Time

Two Loquats

Holding the book up in air as he quickly rushes towards me, I can barely speak because I am so angry with him, in fact, my crying is at sobbing point and I guess to him, I must look pathetic because he is not only dropping the loquats into my lap but he is trying to pull me into his arms which I am fighting against.

"Dearest, please settle down, you're not doing yourself or the baby any good." he says as my arms flail wildly in an attempt to push him back.

"Baby?......Baby?  " I scream at him as the book is literally thrown into his face which he doesn't get to block because he is trying to settle me down.....  "You were going to kill me!" I scream louder through the tears as the loquats are now taken up and ready to throw at him too.

"Dearest, no one is trying to kill you, please calm down." He says far too calmly and making me even angrier, especially when he puts on that condescending 'You're not making any sense' look while also maintaining his composure eve though I threw that hefty book right into his face.  In fact, there is a nice big red mark streaking down the side of his cheek.

"Really?  Then why would you say that?  It's in the book right there!" I yell at the top of my lungs before lunging at him and toppling the both of us off the cushions to the floor and instantly setting off his anger over the top of my own.

My arms and legs are flailing to get him off me, Im screaming at him and he is grunting as he finally gets my hands above my head while entwining his legs through my own to prevent me from kicking and all the while he is doing his damndest to avoid hurting my belly.

Sobbing and completely beside myself, his face lowers to briefly rest against my own.  I suppose I have given him a bit of a fright because he is breathing far too heavily, but any thoughts I have for his emotional state has yet to make it through the fog in my brain, because all I can think about is that damned book!  

"I wish I had never read it..... I wish you had never taken me back then.... I wish I never married you!" I scream straight up into the eyes that are filled with concern and desperation for me to settle down.

"Please Qian Qian.... calm yourself down or ....."

"Or what?  You'll throw me onto the rock of punishment along with my entire family you bastard!" I scream having now completely lost my mind and though I try to strike out at him, my hands are only held down tighter as he tries to make sense of what's coming out of my mouth.

For the longest moment, he says nothing.  He just looks down at my tear streaked face and then towards the book before finally an understanding hits and just like that, he is releasing my hands and carefully dragging me up off the floor and back onto the cushion.  I am breathing heavily and barely able to see him through the tears, but he doesn't try to hug me again, instead he allows me to set the distance which I do, by kicking his leg hard and forcing him to move back.

"How could you?" I ask struggling for breath and forcing myself to calm down, because the baby has suddenly begun to kick.  "My mother needed understanding.  My father desperately needed a friend, yet you didn't hesitate to kick them while they were down, by threatening their lives and literally taking their only daughter from them Mo Yuan.  If I had known....." I cry into my hands as twinge of pain suddenly flares across the full width of my belly.  But I ignore it because I want to hear what excuse he can up with.

"I did what I felt was necessary at the time dear.  Your life was in great danger, I had to in order to save you which your parents were not capable of doing." her informs me which I think is an honest answer, but it comes nowhere near to calming me down, not when he is looking at me as if I am too stupid to understand.  

I understand perfectly why, after all he clearly states his reasons, but what is upsetting me the most, is that he would actually force my mother to make such a choice and maybe I am overreacting, but right now I am unable to think rationally, because all I can see and feel is the pain she must have been going through when she signed that contract.  Being pregnant has possibly made me just as much a tigress as she is, I just can't imagine being forced to give up my child like that, so I feel her pain as if it is my own.