Chasing the Sun (COMPLETE)

chapter twenty eight

Indigo

"RAINYYYYYYY WHERE ARE YOU?" I heard Skye yell from his bedroom down the hall. My feet hit the carpet, running out of my room and into his.

"What's up Sunshine?" I peeked around the corner, spotting Skye sitting on the side of his bed but facing away from me.

"Rainy I have to tell you something.." His tone was one I'd only heard a handful of times. My heart instantly dropped into my stomach, a feeling of dread clouding over me.

"What's going on?" I tried to move further into the room or get Skye to turn to look at me but I could do neither. It was as if my feet were glued to the floor. I continued to feel worse with each moment that passed, every inch of my skin beginning to burn.

"I have to leave Indi. I'm just not happy here anymore. I feel like someone tied barb wire around my heart and with each beat it just continues to bleed more. Most days I feel numb but the ones that I feel like this, they get to be too much. I can't stay. I'm sorry, but I just can't stay." I was fighting some invisible force, my body refusing to move. Skye still had his back to me but I could see him moving around. He had something in his hands that I couldn't quite see due to our positions.

"Skye, no. You can stay. We can get you help. I don't want you to hurt but I can't do life without you." I was panicking, tears flooding down my cheeks. My anxiety was through the roof as I realized whatever I said or did wasn't going to change his mind. I wish I could fucking move!

"I love you Rainy. I love you and our parents and our friends. I'm so sorry that I have to leave. It's just become too much," He finally turned to look at me, my eyes bugging out as I noticed Dad's gun in his trembling hands. I still couldn't move, just watch as tears poured from his eyes too, "You couldn't have stopped me, Rainy. You couldn't have known because I did my best to hide it. I didn't want you to see my pain, I didn't want anyone to see it. Please find it in yourself to forgive me and you, because it's not fair to hold yourself accountable. It wasn't ever your fault. I love you and I'm sorry." The next thing I knew, the barrel of the gun was moved to his mouth, his finger on the trigger.

"SKYE PLEASE DON'T! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOU!"

"BLUE, WAKE UP! PLEASE LOVE, PLEASE WAKE UP!" I shot up in bed just as the shot went off, a horrific scream escaping my lips. My hands moved to my wet cheeks before raking through my equally wet hair. I looked down, noticing I was dripping in sweat, but I was also not at my house. I was at Harry's. Skye was still gone. It was a nightmare....but it wasn't, just as it always was.

"Blue..." I feel his hand on my arm, making me jump as I was still trying to get my breathing under control. My tears started all over again, my vision blurry. I was hot, I was scared, and I was completely and utterly broken. I threw off the covers, my feet hitting the hardwood floor as I swung open each door until I sat outside. I placed my head between my knees, trying so hard to just breathe. I felt like I was suffocating.

Harry didn't say anything as he sat next to me which I was grateful for. There were no words to make what happened better, I had found that out a long time ago. Skye's suicide was gruesome and heart wrenching, something I didn't know if I could ever get over. My lungs felt as if they had been filled with water, drowning within my sorrows. Is this what Skye felt on those bad days? Like no matter how many breaths he took, he wasn't going to survive?

     I couldn't tell you how long we sat there, neither of us saying a word. The only sounds were of birds chirping and my god awful sobs that wouldn't stop. The sky was beginning to change color, signaling a new day. Sundays were the days we'd watch the sunrise but this morning was different. I hadn't had a nightmare in weeks, which was unusual but I'd gotten too used to it, making this one hit me so much harder.

     When I had finally gained my composure, I lifted my heavy head to the sky. The cotton candy colors were beautiful, the sun now just peaking over the horizon. My swollen eyes looked over at Harry, instantly connecting with his green orbs. His features showed all the typical signs of worry; a deep frown, creased forehead, and brows stitched together. The next movement I made was out of character for me but I wanted nothing more than to be close to him.

     I crawled into Harry's lap, our chests now pressed together. My arms wrapped around his neck, nuzzling my head into his collarbone. His arms snaked their way around my abdomen, pulling us closer. I felt his lips at my ear, his hot breath fanning down my neck.

     "I'm sorry." I mumbled into his warm skin, before pulling away to look into his emerald eyes once more. Our foreheads pressed together as he just shook his head, bringing his fingers up to tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear.

     "Blue, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry that you continue to go through all this pain. It's not fair and I hate seeing you so sad." I felt the tears spring into my eyes once more, his words making me my heart clench. I hated being sad too.

     "I still feel like this shouldn't be your responsibility. That you shouldn't have to deal with my issues," I sigh as he brings the pads of his thumbs beneath my eyes to wipe away the few stray tears.

     "Friends deal with each other's problems. Your problems are my problems and vice versa so please don't for one second feel bad about calling me at 3am or for having a nightmare you can't control. I will always be here for you." His eyes looked between mine, making sure his words sunk in.

"I'll always be here for you too." I watched a small smile play on his lips before he pulled away to place them against my forehead. This simple action made some of the weight within my chest diminish. Harry had a way of always making me feel better in these times.

"You still want to watch the sunrise, Blue?" I nodded, turning to see the sun higher in the sky. He stood, lifting me with him. I held onto him like a koala bear, his left forearm supporting my backside as he walked into the kitchen. He set me on the counter before turning on the coffee pot and getting out the cream and sugar.

I watched as Harry made his way into the living room to grab a blanket just as the coffee finished brewing. He poured us both a cup, mine more sugar and cream than coffee as always. I hopped off the counter, coffee in hand and Harry's hand in the other. He wrapped the blanket around my shoulders as we made our way back to the porch.

     I sat on the steps, taking a sip of my coffee as Harry sat beside me once more. I draped the blanket over his shoulders before laying my head on the one closest to me. He placed his hand on my thigh, giving it a light squeeze, laying his head on mine.

     "Hey, Harry."

     "Yeah, Blue?"

     "Thank you for being you." He laughed at this, his chuckle vibrating through the both of us. He placed a kiss in my hair, making my pulse speed up.

     "I wouldn't know how to be anyone else." I smiled at this comment, realizing in this moment that I, Indigo Rain James, had feelings for Harry Styles and I could only hope that I'd eventually muster up the courage to tell him.

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long chapter guys but the next one is going to be really good....and by good i mean dramatic?? big?? you'll see here soon