What Belongs to Me [COMPLETE]

Chapter 3 "The Dream"

2004

Before I met Ceasare, I was a very straight to the point person like a bullet that is released from the hole of a pistol that no one is able to bring it back anymore or like an arrow that was set free from the bow determined in hitting the target. When I was in middle school my goals are already on point, that when I finish high school; I would take the entrance examination on this elite university, situated at this nearest City to my hometown; Pena-Blanca City. Because this school was where the early generation of my family studied and my lolo's cousin topped the geodetic engineering board exam in the eighty's and so it became our family's first pick university.

After my high school graduation; it was summer then, and when this season befall in our place, it’s really freaking hot like standing in the gates of hell. I went with my friends to take the entrance exam at this elite university, at this one of the hottest city in the whole of Philippines. As we walked into the gate of the school joining the crowds of students in uniform and people in formal attire like swarming ants around a lucious candy on the floor, passing the enormous arch of the gate made of massive bricks that has the name of the school securedly embossed on it that says “University of Saint Anthony” which represents the column of victory for the successes of the institution. I hushed with a tension in my breath ‘finally I’m here, this is it! My dream school!’

Making our grand entrance to the long entry made of elaborately laid pentagonal cobblestones on the ground and perfectly trimmed angel flowers running on the side disappearing to the far end. Having the need to raise our heads in worm view, as we look up at the enormous statue of the perfectly carved patron who represents the name of the school; Saint Anthony. Behind the stone statue is a very old wooden building in an Asian style design that I can’t really name when i saw it. But from what I see is; it displays every detail of a great construction that a building must possess. It has also this monumental open chapel that has a plain design in most of the place making the altar the main point of design showing intricate Roman Catholic symbols and ornaments with its weird multiple ceiling fans suspended from the plain arched high ceiling. And the rest of the buildings were designed in a semi-modern style including the gymnasium, open-field stage, theatres, libraries, canteens, classrooms and the rest.

After having the entrance examination, the results were finally out and it made me and my friends really antsy. Unluckily some of my friends didn’t pass the exam and others adjusted their course to other courses which required a lesser average just to stay in our dream school. As for me, when the guidance counselor called me to her table, I was very anxious about the result. My hands were clasped together between my shaking knees and my feet are kind a trembling inside my shoes- toes numbing. But when this young counselor grinned widely at me showing her perfect set of clean white teeth with silvery braces, I felt reassured and finally she said; “Congratulations! You passed your three choices on your preferred list of courses” handing me a green card which means that I can take up any course that I would like to study in the university.

The clouds in sky was busting with elegant colors when i got of the car, I rushed to papa on the living room, with a dimpled smile and sparkling eyes as soon as I got home. I excitedly handed him the result of my entrance exam and proudly told him that I was admitted to the interior design organization. But without extending his hands to me, he asked me deliberately.
“Why settle for interior design when you’re also qualified to take architecture?” he said with a flat reaction. I was deeply disappointed with his remark and i felt my chest pounding rapidly in dismay. After excitedly running home? This is what I get? I thought. Suppresing myself to not roll my eyes and containing my emotions before firing back at him,
“Papa, designing is my passion ever since, you know that because you’ve seen me won contests with regards to creative thinking and skills, and I know to myself that I am not really that good in mathematics. Architecture is loaded with math and I don’t think I can manage five years studying it being completely sane after.” I told him with a sharp and defensive tone, I was scowling at him and ready to bubble more when he said,
“But I know you can do more. I…” I snap what he’s about to say,
“Pah, please, this is what I like and as I prepared for it before taking the exam, I already read a lot of things about it.” I continued speaking, “I’m the one who’s going to study so please papa…” I said displaying my pleading look for him to stop and just be happy for me. But with everything that we had said, it's not possible for him to be happy anymore, i thought with crumpled reaction.
“You’ve certainly done your research huh? Ok then, if that’s what you like. You’re right you knew better since you’ll be the one who’s going to study.” He raised his hands- ears level as his sign of retreating and backing down, with his brows raised, he pursed his lips while inhaling then showing his teeth as a fake grin and continued talking. “Look, that piece of paper is not important to me; just show me your diploma after you graduate. Four years is four years ok? Don’t ever think of messing up your studies.” Then he shifted his eyes back to watching the T.V and i could see how the corner of his eyes wrinkled, without even checking my exam's result.
“Great Pah, go back to watching Grey’s Anatomy, but don’t push me to be a Doctor of medicine later.” I said with a sarcastic tone and a paled face but he wasn’t looking at all. “You didn’t even congratulate me.” I mumbled to myself looking down, staring at my black rubber shoes, swallowing hard- I stepped back and stormed out the living room running to my bedroom and making loud noise while thumping hard on our hallway made with chevron wood parquet.

I was sitting on my stool at my tidily fixed study corner looking out the mullioned window, staring at the dark gray and deep orange clouds behind the pure cobalt blue sky. Looking down at the growing weeds on my Mama’s garden, then I slowly shifted my moisten eyes to the picture frame that has been sitting on my table for some time already. There’s me, mama and papa on the photo, papa’s carrying five year old me on his right waist, my legs tangled around his torso and mama’s hugging us both and kissing me on my wavy hair. We were very happy on the picture and they looked so proud of me. Because according to mama’s story, I won a dance contest during my first grade on the old photo. How I wished that the situation is still the same right that moment.

I was pouting at the photo, biting my lips when my phone started to ring. I hesitated to answer the call because of my bad mood but i eventually slides my hand on my jeans pocket and pulled my phone, it’s an overseas number, it's Mama. And so I answered her immediately,
“Hey Omma” I said as how I call her when I’m emoting or if i have issues.
“Hi my baby, what’s the tone?” I was just about to tell her my news but she speaks very fast,
“I heard you passed the university entrance! I’m so proud of you my big baby, congratulations love.” My brows knitted cause I was taken aback from what she just uttered and then thoughts started spinning on my head.
“Did my friends told you about this Mah?” I asked her curiously,
“No, your Papa told me just now, he sounded so happy and very proud of you when he told me about it...! My feelings are hurt..... why didn’t you tell me first hmmm?” I was shocked on my Mama’s news and realized that, papa just didn’t like displaying so much affection but deep inside, he really cared about me and what i love. And that instant, i just wanted to go and jump at him and kiss him in the cheek because of my overflowing emotion.
“Oh really Mama? Papa told you that?” I paused, pursing my lips and, “Aww it’s alright Mah, don’t be jealous! I love you both” I told her cheerfully.
“I loved you first my baby, mwah mwah mwah” she said and i knew she won't lose to me. We talked about my entrance exam- how hard it was, about the university and the people, my friends and then we hanged up after what it seemed to me like eternity.

Before the first semester on my first year at the university, I told myself and clearly warned myself that I would not disappoint my parents, my family, my friends and everyone that has their faiths on me. Most especially I because I clearly know my goals, that I will never lower my grounds and focus in studying. That I would never put my dreams on the hands that will destroy it. That I will be in the right control of my actions and feelings and that I will never do anything to affect my studies.