The Art of Starting Over

Chapter 60 - Veracity

I walk and walk and walk, not knowing where I'm going or if he's following me. All I know is that he slept with Sosa. He slept with Sosa and they almost had a baby together.

He bought a store he never needed or wanted just for her. So that she would be happy. So that she'd forgive him for not wanting to be a father to her child. And so that she'd keep his secret. So that no one would know what a manipulator he is. So that I wouldn't know what a manipulator he is.

All those days and nights of endless conversation. I told him all my deepest and scariest secrets and he never told me he slept with my fucking best friend. Did he have feelings for her? Does he still like her? Do they still hook up? Like friends with benefits?

God! No wonder she was so against us getting to know each other. No wonder she was so distant from me the past months. I replaced her with the man who betrayed her. The man who was supposed to stay away from me and give her everything she wanted. My head is reeling and I can't keep up with it. 

I slam forcefully into something hard and fall backwards onto the floor. I lay there for a few seconds, my favourite green dress sprawled around me like a fan, thinking that there couldn't possibly be any more blows left for life to give me. This has to be the last one.

"Ally? I'm so sorry, I didn't see you!"

A pair of strong hands wedge themselves under my arms, lift me off the floor and stand me up on my feet. I focus on the figure in front of me and see Shaun hovering awkwardly in his running gear, infinite green eyes bright in his glistening, tanned face.

Great, just what I need. Another ex Sosa slept with.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I stare blatantly into his face as I consider his question. And just like every woman who finally decides she's had enough, I snap.

"No, Shaun, I am not okay! I just fell flat on my ass while wandering aimlessly in the middle of the night with no idea where I'm going. I'm confused and upset and angry because after losing my grandmother, being majestically kicked out of my house and then forced to run away from my boyfriend's shithole because my best friend turned out to be sleeping with said boyfriend, I just found out said best friend also had an affair with Jeremy, my... my... Hell! I don't even know what he is! But for years, they've been hiding this from me! I've been through hell and back with both of them and neither of them thought of telling me they used to fuck around!

"And that's not even the worst part! Because I am just realising, I don't have a place to sleep tonight! I moved in with Jeremy after what happened with Keith! How stupid is that? I moved in with him and I slept with him and now I have nowhere to go! So, tell me, Shaun, if in just under six months you'd been cheated on, lied to, manipulated, used, forced to leave two jobs, a house and two apartments and then knocked on your backside by yet another ex, would you be okay?"

Shaun looks at me carefully, clearly taken aback by my outburst. I see his eyes darting around the street uneasily as he runs his hands up and down my arms protectively, shielding me from the accusing stares of passers-by.

"Do you want to get some coffee?" he offers nicely.

I peer at him moodily, chest heaving and hands shaking. "You don't drink coffee," I remind him.

He gives me a small smile and his green eyes sparkle brightly in his angular face. "I can make an exception, just this once."

We walk together in silence to a small cafeteria. He orders two Americanos while I take a seat at a round table in the corner.

By the time Shaun comes over with the coffee, my anger fades away and makes way for the aftermath, an overwhelming mix of exhaustion, pain and sorrow. I feel it swelling in my stomach and try to repress it but it's too strong. My lips start to quiver so I take a slow sip of the steaming coffee. So much for baby steps.