Home (Taehyung x BTS)

3

"N-Namjoon."

Taehyung had been to deep in thought, or maybe he was experiencing a night terror of some sort. All he knew was that he was laying in his bed one minute, then hyperventilating the next. He felt like he was suffocating; he was in so much pain and wanted nothing more than for it all to stop. 

So he did the only thing he could think of. 

"Tae? What's the matter? I'm with Jackson," Namjoon replied, his voice merely a whisper to the panicking man. 

"Y-you. I-I...you. N-need y-you...need --" Taehyung gasped in hair, letting it out as a mixture of a cough and a sob. He could barely register the murmur of Namjoon explaining the situation to Jackson, then reassuring Taehyung before he hung up. 

"No! C-come...back! N-no!" Taehyung screamed, throwing his phone on the other side of the bed. 

He grabbed a pillow, then began to scream and scream. Tears rushed down his face, falling onto the pillow he held so tightly. It was like all his emotions were bursting forth from his body all at once, leaving him to drown in his own body, his own prison. 

Nothing like this has ever happened to him before; Taehyung was beyond terrified. 

Finally, he felt someone jump onto his bed and remove the pillow from his death-grip. 

"TaeTae, it's okay. I'm here now; Joonie's here. It's okay," came Namjoon's calm voice, hands now working to get the older man into a sitting position. 

Taehyung threw himself into Namjoon's arms, relying on him to support his weight as he sobbed uncontrollably into his neck. 

"I'm gonna die...N-Namjoon, I-I'm gonna...gonna..." Taehyung was on the border between stage one and stage two of hyperventilation now, his tears soaking through Namjoon's shirt. 

"You're not gonna die, Tae. Look at me." The younger was still surprisingly calm, moving a hand to lift his friend's chin up. He was heartbroken by the panicked, helpless gaze that greeted him. "Focus on me, Taehyung. As long as you focus on me, you won't die." 

Namjoon kept his eyes locked with Taehyung's and took a deep breath in, letting it out slowly. He set the older man's hands on his chest and stomach, the even movements causing Taehyung to relax more. 

"Do it, Tae. I know you can."

Without breaking eye contact, the duo breathed together; Namjoon had slow, steady breaths while Taehyung had long, shaky ones. After a few more minutes of breathing, Namjoon smiled. "Good boy. Now, feel the bed underneath you. It's soft and supportive; you won't fall through it."

Taehyung became aware of his bed and how it cradled him at night.

"Take in my scent. I took a shower an hour ago." 

Taehyung breathed in, a light smile washing over his face at the younger man's ocean-scented body wash. He never said it out loud, but whenever he cuddled Namjoon, the smell of his body wash calmed his nerves. 

Namjoon noticed Taehyung's broken smile. "Now, hear my voice. It's deep like yours, right? You love to hear me talk."

The older man nodded once, his trembling beginning to die down. The younger man patted Taehyung's hands, which were still pressed firmly to his torso. 

"You're okay, Taehyungie. It's over now; I grounded you. I can't be here all the time to help you, but whenever you feel like this, please remember to ground yourself. You're such a good boy."

-------

Ever since that night, work became a little less daunting for Taehyung. He was no longer on autopilot, but when he came home, he still took long naps. 

When he wasn't with Jackson, Namjoon would come home and study at Taehyung's apartment. Sometimes he would bring his boyfriend along, but the older man had no issue with that. Jackson treated Namjoon the way he deserved.

Taehyung loved the boy, but he understood that he could never be what Jackson was to him. 

Today, Taehyung decided to do something he promised himself he vowed he would never do in his life. Maybe he was too far gone than he realized, which led him to do it. 

The pack of cigarettes felt sickening to hold, but at the same time, it brought a sort of comfort. Of course he knew how dangerous smoking and vaping were; either one of them will get him sent to the hospital. 

But he felt like he deserved to suffer after everything that happened in his life. 

He was only wanted by his father when it came to family, his best friend/baby brother and first love were dead; Taehyung had so much burden he didn't dare share with Namjoon. 

So Taehyung lit a cigarette and sat down on his balcony, breathing in the deadly cloud of chemicals and leaving nothing but tar and a developing nicotine addiction in his system. 

Now he had one more thing to hide from Namjoon.