I Cherish You

Coming Out (mini-chapter)

            Troye blinked hard, his eyes watering from the harsh light of his computer monitor and his lack of sleep. He hoped Connor didn’t notice, but it was hard to talk for hours on Skype when each second was spent just wishing he was actually there.

            “I’m sorry, I’m keeping you up. I shouldn’t put this on you.” Connor’s voice shook, and Troye could see that his hands were too.

            “No, no” Troye resisted the urge to rub his eyes, “you aren’t putting anything on me. If you need to talk I want to listen. I just wish I could help you.”

            Connor looked tired, there were bags under his eyes from nights without sleep and he’d lost weight. He had had this conversation plenty of times before. He’d tried talking to Tyler or Ricky sometimes, but they couldn’t help any more than Troye could. Nobody wanted to make Connor do anything he didn’t want to, and Connor was tired of lying, but still afraid. It was a constant, horrible weight that weighed on him every second, bringing him down when he was happiest and making everything more complicated and confusing. It killed Troye to see Connor so upset. It was killing Connor to keep it in.

            There was a long moment of silence. Connor wouldn’t speak out of fear that he would start crying, and Troye already was but didn’t want to make any noise.

            “What would happen if I did it, if I just filmed it right now and put it out?”

            Troye took some time to think before answering, asking slowly, “Is that what you want?”

            There was another moment of silence, unbearable for both.

        Then, quickly and softly, “Yeah.”

        Troye smiled, “I think you’ll be surprised at how much support you’ll get. Everyone loves you, Con. And it’s not because they think you’re straight. It’s because you’re funny and weird and kind and sweet and huggable and really insanely good-looking,” he laughed, “and none of that is gonna change anytime soon. If any one of your fans knew how much this was hurting you, Con, I swear they’d feel awful. Because they don’t, and your friends don’t, and I don’t, want you to have to pretend like you’re something you’re not.”

        Troye cried again, and again when they signed off, and the most when the video went up and Connor called him again, sounding happier then he had in a very long time.

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sorry it's taken me so long to post this. I've been writing essays for college apps, but I'll be done soon :)