Liar liar

The rose, and her many thorns

"Pearl please... I love you. Give us another shot we can get better- I can get better."

Fluffy socks scuffed the edge of the door as silence filled the room. 

"This is just a small bump in the road. We can work through this."

A sigh escaped her thin lips. Breath stinging the cut that was barely healing due to the constant worrying between her teeth.

"No."

"You're not even giving me a chance."

"I've given you so many. I just kept giving and giving and you... let me down."

"I want to see Steven."

Her stomach twisted, coiling at the thought of leaving him alone with her.

"Rose... he's very upset, he doesn't want to see you. I think you need to give him some time."

She moved forward, hip leaning against the chained door. Pushing it open to the max. Her hand was outstretched, sliding through the small gap, a sad attempt to touch Pearl. The pale woman stumbled, pulling back swiftly. Blue eyes hardened, brows and lips pinching together in anger. Roses smile fell. The sudden realisation that she wasn't coming back hit her like a truck. Pearl had never seen her eyes look quite like this. They looked so distressed and dark, like there was a war raging inside them. Yet, she hadn't even shed a single tear.

After everything, she didn't even have the decency to cry.

Pearl wanted to scream.

But, then again.

Why would she cry for her?

She kept replaying the scene in her head. A never-ending film that made her reel with embarrassment and rage. She had returned a week later ignoring Garnets threats. Begging her to try again. Like some cheesy romance movie. As if all their problems would magically go away with a few empty promises and kisses. She even had the audacity to make it seem like she was the unreasonable one. She wouldn't even admit or apologise for what she had done.

Blood dribbled down her chin, leaving streaks on her bruised throat. Fuck. She'd split her lip. Again. She ran her hands under the taps. Fingers curling at the coldness of the water. Splashing her face, she scrubbed her mouth until the blood stopped.

Pearl looked in the mirror. Scowling at her naked body. Really looking. For the first time in months. It made her face screw up in disgust. Her bones stuck out in jagged angles. Her hair stuck flat to her head. She looked like a corpse. Her skin was almost grey in the bathroom lights, a harsh contrast to the purple and blue marks that littered her body. She wanted to look away but couldn't. She seethed, eyes growing hot. Why did she let this happen to her? Why would she even stay- it doesn't matter how much she loved her she should have just left.

Self hatred was always present within Pearl. Sometimes it would rear its ugly head at the worst possible times. When she really didn't need it. All it took was a glance in the mirror. If she ate less then maybe Rose would love her. If she had more control of herself maybe she wouldn't cheat. It was always ifs and maybes with her. After all, she did fall for the skin and bone look. She always seemed to admire her more when she was at her worst, crumbling under her fingertips like broken glass. Although, it was a tricky game to play. If she skipped one more meal her period might not come back for months. Like last time. She picked at the skin around her nail as she evaluated herself. Her body looked warped. One minute she could look huge and another she would look haggard and frail. The satisfaction and pure euphoria she felt from weighing herself had all but disappeared. She didn't feel anything when she looked at the scale. Only that she wasn't good enough. A failure. She would never reach her goal. Because her goal wasn't to look skinny, it was to disappear completely. Something she never could quite obtain. She didn't really want to relapse. No matter how tempting it might feel to just let go. She hated the idea that all of Garnets and Roses efforts would've been in vain. She wanted to be worthy of their time and love. If she let it all go to hell again, would they still be there to pick up the pieces? Maybe they would let her rot this time. Like she deserved.