Her heart... And soul (gxg)//COMPLETED✔️(editing)

Love/hate

QURIS' POV

I walked into my apartment and instantly dropped everything in my hands and jumped on my couch. I literally feel like I have nothing to live for. Questions are always floating in my head, for the past 2 years, questions I can't answer myself.

Why was my licensed gun Laying about 5 meters away from Le'Eah's almost lifeless body? Why did she have her sports bag with her and the only thing inside it was a notepad and a pen? Why was she on that part of town so late at night? Why?

I feel angry, I feel stupid, I feel worthless and also so confused. The notepad had some depressing poems. Was my sister so depressed while I was here with her?

I can still remember one of the things I read in that notepad.

"Words slide off of the tongue and punctures the heart

Acceptance comes from the heart and

Is hard to let out

Your words cut deeper than a knife

But doesn't hurt as much as the blade

Who knew a loved one could express so much hate?"

It held so much pain and suffering. How could she be hurting over something and I couldn't even see? Was I that blind and narrow minded to not notice that my sister was hurting and was suicidal while she lived under my roof?

She didn't have friends, we had no other family members, just me and her, so was her poem directed to me?

"Who knew a loved one could express so much hate?"

I'm the only one she has, at least I think so, okay there's her best friend Sheryl, but other than that there's nobody.

Could it be words I had said?

I don't understand, but she had no bullet wounds of any sort, just her fingerprints on the gun and also the trigger.

"Oh God please help me." I muttered.

Wait I think I should call Sheryl and talk to her for a bit, she should also be hurting because she is also on the verge of losing someone dear to her. Her best friend.

I called her and she agreed to meet up with me at Starbucks. We exchanged greetings, we both ordered dark coffee, Le'Eah's favorite which was basically all three of ours favorite.

"It's been a while since I last saw you." She said while taking sips from her coffee.

"Yeah it's been a while, I really need to ask you about something relating to Le'Eah." I said as I finally put down the spoon I was using to stir my coffee with.

She simply nodded as her answer.

"Did you know that Le'Eah was suicidal?" I asked. It has been bugging me for a while.

"Uhm, after your family... Uhm, after what had happened Le'Eah was down a lot. She would say things that didn't quite sit right with me, she would be distant but still present at the same time." She responded while pausing a little to pick out the right words.

"Did you ever notice any marks on her wrists?"

"N-no... I-" she stuttered.

"Are you lying,I'm not even interrogating you... it's a no or yes answer, you are always with her, Sheryl... I need answers."

"Maybe that's the problem I am always with her, why? Because you stopped being there." She stood up to walk out but I grabbed her hand and lead her to my car, I sat her down and looked at her signaling that she should go on.

"Instead of digging for answers why don't you ask yourself?"She retorted.

"Ask myself?"

"Yes, ask yourself, Jesus, Quris, she's your sister, the one person that you should be caring for...the one person that you should look out for, you should be the one noticing things, you should be the one helping her before anyone can, how can you ask me questions that you, as her brother, are supposed to know? We are all looking for answers, some may not be clearer than others, but if you payed even as little as 5 minutes interest in her life you would see everything she's been hiding. You put your job before your sister, you put your girl- ex girlfriend before her, Jesus, you would rather go out with your cop buddies than take your sister to a music festival she's been wanting to go to for the longest time now."

Everything she said was like a slap across the face, it felt like a ton of bricks were being thrown at me one after another, but I didn't even speak against it because I knew that she just hit me with nothing but the truth. I tried my best to hold my tears in but to no avail.

"... and you know who had to take her? I had, because it was and is my duty to be there for her while you couldn't, Quris. I'm not saying that it was your fault, because it wasn't. I'm just saying that you could've done something to make her feel like she had more than just me to talk to, more than just me to confide in. She didn't kill herself, but she had a loaded gun with her."

She wiped her tears and looked me in the eyes.

"You both had different ways to express how the incident that occurred had affected you, she came to me for comfort while you turned to alcohol and pleasing your friends and girlfriend, I just hope that one day you realize what I see." She stood up and left my car, she took one last glance through the window and spoke.

"Don't forgot It doesn't only hurt you, I'm also hurting."

With that she left.

Her words were echoing in my head, Le'Eah's last words to me were also invading my head.

"I see." Why had that been the last words I had to hear from her before her comatose state? Why? Why had we spoken about someone else instead of her at that moment, why had I been drunk? Oh right, I used alcohol to express the effect that night had caused.

Alcohol.

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  Hey, I just wanted to thank those that took the time to read this I'll make sure you enjoy it 

-apocalypse 

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