To Be Alone With You

25. break

WARNING: kaspian has a severe panic attack in this chapter. + brief mentions of suicide.

please don't read this chapter if you think it'll make you uncomfortable or if it will trigger you. please put yourself and your mental health first.

if you need a recap of the chapter, i'm more than willing to give it to you in the comments section, so don't force yourself to read this. (i'm marking the beginning and ending of the panic attack with /// ) stay safe, y'all <3

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CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

BREAK

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"Faster or we run it again!" Coach Adamson shouted, blowing his whistle for extra measure.

"We run it again? Man isn't even fucking running," Atreya muttered to Kaspian, before touching the line and turning back, Kaspian just two steps behind him.

Typically, Kaspian would be in front of the group of boys, always one of the fastest. But he was so tired, mentally, emotionally and physically, that he didn't even feel like moving.

Once they'd finished their sprints, Kaspian waited for Atreya to drink his water, before they went to the showers, already late because Coach had kept them for long.

Atreya rolled his eyes. "We're not doing this again. Just fucking go."

Kaspian shook his head, about to reply when Atreya just shoved him into the showers, forcing him to go before everyone else. Kaspian raised a middle finger at Atreya, and he just stuck his tongue out, pretending to lick it.

Jesus.

Stepping under the water, Kaspian leaned heavily against the wall, too exhausted to even hold himself upright. He didn't know how long he was just standing there, letting the water wash over him, until Atreya called his name out.

"Kas? It's been twenty minutes. What the fuck are you still doing in there? You masturbating or something?"

Snapping out of his daze, Kaspian yelled out a reply, saying that he'd be out in a minute, before quickly putting on his clothes and getting out of the shower, joining step with Atreya.

"So, I was thinking we'll take the long way to class, considering we're late already. Might as well just show up early for second period, rather than show up really late for first period," Atreya decided, hands flying all over the place as he talked.

Kaspian nodded. "Yeah, that sounds better."

Stop sounding so dry. Make a fucking effort.

The long route consisted of going behind the auditorium, through the stoner spot, where everyone from school obtained their weed, and finally through the emergency exit of the building.

As they walked, Atreya maintained small talk, and Kaspian was trying his best to reciprocate, but he couldn't focus on anything that he was saying. His head was pounding, creating a heavy pressure in the base of his skull, solely because of the way his brain was switching from one thought to another, and not letting Kaspian have a fucking break.

Kaspian's gaze fell to the ground, his feet scuffing against the gravel. Suddenly, someone pushed into him, colliding into his body and touching his already sensitive skin. A wave of shock exploded within his chest.