To Be Alone With You

30. you'll be okay

WARNING: mentions of disordered eating.

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CHAPTER THIRTY

YOU'LL BE OKAY

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"I got an eighty three! I got a fucking eighty three, fuckers. I'm literally the smartest person I know, look at me go. I'm fucking thriving, y'all can't touch this."

North held back a laugh, as they ruffled Kaspian's hair. "Yes, yes, and we're all very proud of you."

Kaspian couldn't stop beaming. He'd always gotten nineties in AP English, and he'd always done fairly well in the rest of his classes too. But Calculus was one class that he just couldn't handle. The highest he'd gotten before this was a sixty five.

Zahra nudged Kaspian, cocking her head to the left. "Your boyfriend's arriving, you should probably tell him about this. Maybe you'll even get a kiss," she teased.

Frowning, Kaspian glanced at the Calculus test in his hand, and then back at her. "Not my boyfriend," he clarified.

"Kas!" North smacked him on the chest, as they narrowed their eyes. "You've liked him for way too long, just get on with it! Ugh. You're so frustrating. Date the poor boy."

"But I— I don't know if I'm ready to do that? Like... I want to date him and be in a relationship with him, but what if I'm a really shit boyfriend or something? Like, three days ago, my dad came home, and basically made me really fucking sad and shit, right? And I had to rely on Rowan, again. Like I always do," Kaspian vented, flinging his hands around madly as he spoke. "And like, what if I just don't know how to be in a relationship? I've never been in a serious one, and I genuinely really fucking like Rowan, so I don't wanna fuck shit up. And knowing me, I probably will."

Offering him an expressionless look, Zahra said, "Shut up."

"What?"

"I can't believe you're such a dumb fucking bitch. Rowan likes you because you're you, not inspite of that fact that you're you. Stupid," Zahra remarked.

"Who's stupid?" Rowan asked when he made his way over to the three of them.

Kaspian perked up. "Definitely not me! I got an eighty three in that Calc test you helped me study for!"

Rowan grinned, and pinched his cheeks. "That's so fucking great, oh my god. I'm so proud of you, what the fuck," Rowan congratulated, but there was a slight strain in his voice. It sounded like his excitement for Kaspian was almost forced.

"You're extremely dramatic, but thank you!" Kaspian exclaimed, rolling his eyes when Zahra gave him a suggestive smirk. "How did you do?"

Rowan muttered something unintelligible.

"I can't read lips," Kaspian deadpanned. "As much as I wish I could," he added.

"I got a hundred," Rowan said, a little louder this time.

"A hundred?"

"Holy fucking shit?" North gasped. "What? I mean, we all knew you were smart, but what the fuck, Rowan? That's so great!"

Kaspian beamed. "Smart people are so cool!" And hot. "Love that for you."

Clearing his throat, Rowan gave the three of them an awkward smile. "Anyway. Why aren't you three in class?"