It's Me, Again

Ch. 16 (Kate)

I get back inside my apartment and sigh thinking about my night. It's almost 5 in the morning and I should be exhausted and ready to pass out, but instead my adrenaline is pumping and my heart is pounding. Do I still love Dylan? Is it okay to feel this way when I'm technically involved with someone else?

I tiptoe across the hardwood floor to my room so I don't wake Sarah, but once I'm inside my room with the door closed, I can't stop pacing back and forth.

What am I doing? I have a boyfriend, I can't be thinking about another guy. But, everything just feels so right when I'm with him. It's easy and I don't have to think. On the other hand, he shattered my heart into a million pieces and he has said that there are things that he needs to tell me. The truth about what happened after our breakup. I almost don't want to know. Maybe this whole accident was a blessing in disguise. Maybe, I'm not meant to remember that painful time in my life. Why else would those two and a half years be the only chunk of time missing from my memory? They say God works in mysterious ways. What if this was all meant to happen to bring me and Dylan back together and erase the pain?

Or maybe I'm a crazy, sleep deprived person with a head injury.

I toss and turn in bed with all the thoughts and feelings racing through me until I start to see the sun peeking through my window. I can't believe I've been up all night. I need sleep. My body is craving it - it's just my head that won't shut up. I clutch my white comforter and hold on like it's my lifeline to sanity. I need to figure out my feelings. I would hate to string Carter along if my heart does still long for Dylan. I force my eyes shut and turn away from the window to try to get a few hours of sleep.

****

Following the high of last night's meteor shower and spending time with Dylan followed by the crash of emotions when I got home, I wake to see a text from Dylan.

Dylan: Hey, I had a great time last night. Just wanted to remind you that we have that gift certificate for the pub if you want to go sometime next week?

Me: Morning, I had a great time too. Yes! Sounds good, when are you, Josh, and Mal free?

I wasn't sure if he was alluding to us going to dinner just the two of us, but I didn't want to presume. Plus, they had been part of our winning trivia team too, so it would be really messed up if we left them out. Not sure if they'd mind though since I got the feeling that the two of them would love to see me and Dylan back together.

Dylan: Let me talk to them and get back to you.

Me: Okay, sounds good.

I get out of bed and walk out to the living room to see if Sarah is up. She's lounging in her pajamas on the couch, eating cereal.

"Morning," I say to Sarah as I head to the kitchen to get some coffee and cereal for myself.

"Morning. You got in late or should I say early," she gives me a coy smile.

"The meteor shower didn't start until 1 and it lasted for hours. We stayed til about 4 before we headed home," I say matter of factly as I pour my sugary cereal into the bowl.

"Mhmm," her eyes never leaving my face.

"What? I can't control when the meteors go past."

"How was hanging out with Dylan for hours, in the middle of the night, looking at the stars," she bats her eyelashes to tease me.

"Oh stop, it was good. I don't know, it was nice. Easy." I sit down on the couch and curl my legs up with my bowl of cereal in one hand and I set my coffee on the end table.