It's Me, Again

Ch. 23 (Dylan)

You don't know embarrassment until you've got a crew of a cappella singers standing behind you ready to sing, a bouquet of flowers in your hand, and you see the love of your life get into a car with a suitcase and another guy.

I stood there stunned for a good few minutes despite Sarah's incessant yammering about how Kate had plans to go away for 2 days with her boyfriend and I can't be mad at her because it's her "boyfriend".

The truth is, I wasn't mad at her. She had every right to go away with Carter and she didn't need to tell me. I'm mad at myself. Any hurt feelings or heartache I'm feeling now is all my own doing. If I hadn't been stupid freshman year or an idiot when we had a chance of reconnecting months after our breakup, we wouldn't be in this position.

I sent the a cappella group home and paid them for their time. Sarah looked like she felt sorry for me and I didn't want her to. I felt sorry enough for myself.

"Your gesture was really nice, Dylan. I'm sure Kate would've loved it." She was trying to make me feel better, but I was too busy throwing myself a pity party.

"That was the idea," I said glumly.

"Do you....want me to tell her what you had planned to do when she gets back?" She asked this tentatively, probably afraid I'd either get mad or break down sobbing like some pathetic loser.

"No. I don't want her to feel bad for me. I hope she has a great time with Carter. Honestly. I just want her to be happy."

Sarah looked like she was about to walk away and head towards her apartment building, but she kept faltering and stopping herself. Finally, she let out a loud sigh and turned towards me, "Do you want to come up or something and talk?"

I let out a sad sigh, "Sure, why not." I trudged along and crossed the street with the bouquet of ranunculus in my hand.

When I step into the girls' apartment, it feels weird knowing that I'm there and Kate is off on some romantic trip with her boyfriend.

"Do you want something to drink? Water, coffee, something stronger to drown your sorrows?" Sarah jokes.

"Just water, thanks." I lay the bouquet of flowers on the kitchen island. "Here, you can have these. Just don't tell Kate they're from me. Tell her your boyfriend gave them to you or something."

"Okay, if that's what you want." Kate hands me a glass of water and she goes about trimming the stems of the flowers and arranging them in a glass vase.

"So...are you okay?" she glances at me as she arranges the flowers, treating me as delicately as the flowers.

I shrug, "I don't know. I mean, I'm sad that I had this whole grand gesture planned out and she didn't even get to see it. It's like if it was a competition between me and Carter, I didn't even get to participate because by the time I arrived he had already swept her away." I plopped my body onto the couch like it was 170 lbs of worthlessness.

"Don't be so dramatic," she rolls her eyes. "So they're going away for 2 days. You've known her practically your entire life. Don't you think Carter feels like he's the one at a disadvantage? He's got to compete with a guy she dated throughout high school and is the person she called from the hospital. He has to live with the fact that she didn't even remember him after her accident. That's a lot for him to have to work through."

Everything Sarah said was true. It made me feel a little bad for the guy. Not too bad though. I did want to win over Kate after all.

"You're making me feel bad for him and I want to be mad at him."

Sarah laughs and sits in the armchair perpendicular to the couch. "Carter's actually a really nice guy."

I glare at Sarah, "Whose side are you on?" but my tone is sarcastic and she knows I'm messing with her.