Unlike Any Other

CHAPTER 35

Some days are good; these are the days when I am swamped with work and barely have time to think about myself or Guimaras. Some days are bad. These are the days when I can't sleep because I miss him so much, when my very soul seems to ache with his absence.

Fortunately, the hotel took me back so I didn't need to look for work again.

I settled into a routine after I got back in Cebu City. Valerie and her brother even came for a fortnight's visit.

"So, are you seeing someone?" She's always so straightforward when asking about my love life or the lack thereof.

"There's someone from work... Pero nanliligaw lang." I only shrugged at her. Totoong may nanligaw pero ni-reject ko na. I just left out that little detail so she wouldn't ask what's wrong with me.

"Take care, okay? Let me know if you need me here. Of course, it would be more ideal if you just go back to France with us!" She really wants me to be her sister-in-law. Mabait naman si Philip pero... hindi naman kami interesado sa isa't isa.

Nang umalis ang magkapatid ay balik na naman ako sa buhay na mag-isa.

The new apartment I got was more spacious and nearer to the hotel. Mabait din ang landlord ko na may-ari ng buong building. I guess this can work for me. In a few more years, puwede na akong magsimula ng sarili kong maliit na negosyo. It's not a bad life I guess, just a lonely one.

Then one night I saw him. He was waiting for me outside my apartment, almost thirteen months after I left the island. He was wearing a simple white tshirt, dark denim pants paired with boots and a navy-blue jacket. Nasa kamay niya rin ang isang punpon ng bulaklak.

"Bakit ka nandito?" Masaya akong makita siya, lalo na at mukhang tuluyan na na maayos ang paglalakad niya pero hindi na siya dapat pumunta pa.

I'm already half-imagining how I'm going to cope with the hole his absence will leave when he eventually leaves me again.

Ilang beses ba kami kailangan na magtagpo at maghiwalay ulit bago sumabog ang puso ko sa sakit? Hanggang saan ba ang kapasidad ng isang taong masaktan?

Renz's POV

I should not have let her leave in the first place. I was ready to give up everything for her— the family name, the plantation, the life I have. But she was so determined to go away from me that in the end, I really could not do anything about it because I must respect her decision even if it tore me up inside.

I had not wanted to tie her to me when I was not sure I could walk again. I hate the thought of obliging her to give up her life to serve an invalid like me. Tinakasan niya nga ako nang nakakalakad pa 'ko kaya hindi ko siya dapat obligahin na pagsilbihan ang isang baldado. Ni minsan hindi ko naisip na darating ang araw na magiging pabigat ako kay Lena.

Finally, I got better, and hope bloomed in my chest. Maybe this time, we can finally be together. Cousins be damned. At least that's what I thought.

Then she left me. Again.

Lena— the love of my life, is always leaving me.

I went back to the plantation as soon as my doctor gave me the go signal. Business was not as good as it was a couple of years ago but I only have myself to blame for that. Through hard work and patience, slowly the Chocolateria began to recover. But my heart still did not.

"Anak, bakit hindi mo ayain si Moira mag-dinner dito sa bahay?" pang-aasar ni Mama habang kumakain kaming dalawa ng hapunan. Malaki ang hapag-kainan pero napupuno lang ito ng boses ng dalawang tao. Malungkot isipin na balang-araw, wala ng matitira dito dahil ako na ang kahuli-hulihang Peñalver.

I exhaled slowly but did not deign to reply. She already knows I'm not interested in Moira or anyone else but she won't give up. Alam ko ang ibig niyang sabihin dahil ayaw niya na mag-isa ako.

Ganito ba ang pakiramdam ni Lolo nang pinalayas niya si Eliana? Nagsisi kaya siya dahil nawala sa kaniya ang tanging babae na minahal niya? Sigurado. Pero hindi pa rin siya nag-asawa ulit kahit na nag-isa siya sa mahabang panahon.

Is history going to repeat itself then?

"She's a nice girl. Or maybe you can reconnect with Rachel; she's still single. Baka gusto mo na i-invite magbakasyon dito sa Guimaras?" she tried again.

I glanced at her and tried to produce a smile to reassure her that I'm okay, that I'm not lonely. But it was a poor excuse for a smile. Isa pa, kilala ako ni Mama. She is my mother, after all.

The days began to bleed together, there was nothing to distinguish one from the other. Such was the life I was cursed to have. I'm not going to be ungrateful but neither will I lie and say it's the life I had envisioned myself having.

I began to spend more time at home. When Lena was studying abroad, I had taken some trips to Europe, feigning interest in investors but really surreptitiously trying to see if my path would cross with Lena's. I know it was next to impossible, especially when I didn't know exactly where she was in France, but you see, I wanted to know if fate would side with me. It never did.

Dati rin ay taon-taon akong tumutungo sa Manila. Albert and I would go back and forth, visiting one another for a few days each year. These days though, I prefer to stay in Guimaras. Alam ko kung nasaan siya pero hindi ko siya puwedeng puntahan.

My mother took on the task of going on with renovation of the house. Bago inatake sa puso si Lolo ay sinimulan niya na 'yon at ang unang pinagawa niya ay ang palakihin ang espasyo para sa kuwarto ni Lena. Pero ilang araw lang pagkatapos no'n ay nagkasakit na nga siya.

I was mildly surprised when my mother ordered the family's old portraits which have been banished to the attic, to be cleaned and be assigned their places all over the mansion. There was even a wedding photo of my grandparents.

If I had seen Eliana Calderon Peñalver's picture all those years ago, maybe I would have pieced together the history that Lena and I actually shared, but it didn't happen that way. What did happen between us though, I chose it to be and I will choose it and her again, should the chance ever come. Kahit ano pa ang nangyari, paulit-ulit ko pa ring pipiliin si Lena kahit paulit-ulit din niyang piliin na iwan ako.

🌿

"We should really go down and mingle with the visitors, son. After all, this is your party. Isa pa, may mga investors. You know they've come so far to speak with you."

I tucked the polaroid of Lena inside the pages of the book by Virginia Woolf though I know my mother had seen it.

"Yes, Ma."

I kissed her forehead as I passed by her and went to the living room where she had prepared a grand celebration of my thirtieth birthday. You have to give credit to my mother— she had not only invited potential investors; all eligible bachelorettes from a fifteen-kilometer radius are also in attendance.

"Bes! Happy birthday!" Mabuti na lang at pumunta ang mag-asawang Lino at Goldie, kasama ang inaanak ko. Dumalo rin si Henry at ang girlfriend niya kaya kahit papaano ay may mga kaibigan ako.

It was almost midnight when the guests who had not found their own accommodations in the beach resorts near Aguadulce and the grand one in Carmen, were made comfortable in the numerous rooms of the mansion.

I found my mother lingering in the terrace, talking with someone under the moonlight. They startled as I approached them but didn't sense anything untoward from my mother's facial expression or body language.

The man looked vaguely familiar. We must have been introduced before but I cannot remember where or when.

"Son, I think we should go inside and talk."

The resigned look on her face did not escape me. But there was also strength and tenderness in my mother's voice, and so I followed both of them to the library.