The Wings Of A Caged Bird | First Draft

part 2 | prologue

"Don't you think it would be wonderful
to get rid of  everything and everybody
and just go someplace where you don't
know a soul?"

— Haruki Murakami,
Norwegian Wood

----------------------------

30 July, 2019; Tuesday

By the time Alison Lockwood realizes her mistake, it is already too late.

Her younger son's Literature teacher calls only an hour after Cedar came home, soaked wet from the rain and looking as if the world has ended in front of his eyes.

Over the five minutes phone call, the cheerful man explains everything that happened on the day of Higher Maths exam. He doesn't forget to praise Cedar's excellence in every subject, especially in literature. 'Your son has a knack for improving the literary aspects of any piece of writing. No error can ever escape his eyes!' He proceeds to say how her son should become an editor. In spite of the guilt that has already started to claw at her heart and shred it to pieces, she finds herself holding back a snort. Her son, an editor? Who even needs editors these days? He would never find any sort of respect in that line. And there are countless hardships in being an editor.

She finishes the phone call with a word of gratitude. Until that call came, she was sitting in the living room, facing the black screen of the television, her mind speedily turning into the dishevelled remains of constructions after a turbulent earthquake. Her head was being hit by a hundred stones and her chest was getting trampled under hundred feets. The only thing she could think of was how her son will no longer be able to make it into Telois University of Science and Technology. Even if he can sit for the entrance exam, he will not be considered in the first choices. And only the students of that institution can ensure themselves the best and brightest careers.

After the phone call though, she didn't know what to think anymore.

He had run after his friend. He had left his exam in the middle to run after a friend whose biggest secret came out to the entire class. Alison doesn't know what to think about that. But she is sure she would have never done anything like that for her friend. She only had one back then, but after leaving town with Daniel, she lost contact with her completely. She knows, even if she loved that friend dearly, she would never be able to leave an exam in the middle for her.

Whether or not she should be happy learning about this brave and loyal side of Cedar, or be mad at him for being so foolish, doesn't matter to her right now. The realization has already dawned on her — she shouldn't have treated him like that.

The same mistake. The same mistake she did with Daniel, within a few days she did it again with Cedar. Though she said she would change. She didn't give him a chance to explain. She even slapped him. Oh God. How can she ever continue to love herself if she ends up hurting people like this every single time? And why can't she fix anything, and only break it further?

Why can't she fix herself?

And most importantly, how should she face her son now? How will she apologize?

She doesn't know.

Her thoughts are interrupted when she hears the door open outside. It must be the older one back from his job interview. Normally, she would immediately stand and go to him to ask how it went. But today, she finds exhaustion holding her limbs to the sofa.

She eventually gets up and walks over to the door of the living room. She sees him take off his polished black shoes and put it in the rack. She never had to teach them such things with much hardship, and most of these good habits of discipline they learnt themselves. How did they learn it? Who taught them? She has no idea. But it was probably out of fear. Fear that she will scold them further if they weren't discipline.