The Wings Of A Caged Bird | First Draft

chapter 26: a person i was

Dear Mom and Dad,

Things didn't have to turn out like this.

But they did, and I'm sure neither of you are too surprised. After all, this was bound to happen one day or the other. Perhaps I would've tried to escape like your other son did, but how can I, when you've locked me up in my own house for over a month? I have been a prisoner my whole life, and this was the only route left for me to escape. This was bound to happen, and the reason behind it is none but you.

What? Are you shocked? Okay, let me take you down the memory lane. It's the least I can do as your son, after all.

Mom, do you remember the time, when I was 8 years old, when you beat me with a pan because I fell on my way back from school and dirtied my white shirt? Even though we've always had a really expensive washing machine at home, which could effortlessly clean the shirt within minutes. Dad, do you remember the time, when I was 10 years old, when you came home drunk from a bad day at work, and decided to whip me with your belt for no reason at all, becuase I was the only target around? Mom, do you remember when you choked my cat, who was my only friend, just because she accidentally broke a vase in the living room? She was only 2 years old, and I was her only freind too. Do you also remember the time you pressed a hot iron against my stomach because I told you we don't have paracetamol at home and I had a fever? Dad, do you remember when you cut off my internet so that I can't take online therapy and perhaps get better? Maybe you really wanted me to die.

Well, both of you got your wish.

In fact, I have many more. Mom, you threw away all my paint supplies and most treasured artworks after I gathered the courage to tell you that I want to go to art school. Dad, you always reminded me how my brother is the only one you consider your son, because he is the only one worthy of taking over the hospital. Mom, you once said you regretted going through the pain of giving birth to someone as worthless as me, but you were drunk back then, so I can forgive you on this one. Dad, you called me a disgrace for not doing the best results at school and ruining the Castleton family's reputation. Mom, whenever you hit me, you made sure to do it where no one can see. Dad, whenever you hit me, you made sure to do it where it hurts the most. I could go on and on.

I've been keeping a track of these since I was 8, because I knew that one day, I will need a list of every single abuse I went through because of simply being born. Do you know that I have lost my memory of everything that happened to me before I was 16? It's called Dissociative Amnesia, and is often caused from severe trauma. But this list didn't let me forget of what I have gone through, and what, just like me, many kids around the world might be going through right now as we speak.

Was our only fault being born into a world that didn't welcome us? Was our only fault something that wasn't even our choice? YOU gave birth to me. If you didn't want me, why did you? If you wanted to torture me for little mistakes instead of forgiving me, if you wanted to impose your own fucked up ideologies on me instead of letting me flourish my own mindsets, if you wanted to ruin my life instead of making it beautiful, then tell me, why did you give birth to me?

They say, respect your parents. They say, disrespecting your parents will get you a free ticket to hell. I have never disrespected you, Mom and Dad. You told me to study, I did. You told me to get good grades, I did. You told me to pretend I don't exist, I did. You told me to give up my dreams and pursue yours, I did. Not once did I disrespect you. Not once did I talk back with you. Not once at all. But it was all pointless. Because I have done it now, in the last minutes of my life. Surprisingly enough, I don't care. I already know what hell looks like, what could possibly scare me anymore? God knows I tried.