𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 | 𝐧𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠

1:7

The next morning on my way to class, we made a stop at Noel's flat to drop off his clothes. Gracie's car rolled to a stop in front of his home and I could feel a lump start to form in the pit of my throat, my heart now racing twice as fast. Noel was obviously at home, the blinds in the windows had been turned open to let in sunlight. It was too late to turn back and I didn't even have time to plan out what I was going to say or do. Seeing that I was hesitant to walk up to his doorstep, Gracie essentially pushed me out of the passenger's seat with both of her hands.

My grip tightened around the paper bag containing his clothes as my feet touched down on the brick lined pavement leading up to the front door.

I stepped toward the door and reached a hand out, pausing for a moment to try and compose myself before ringing the doorbell and holding the package with my free hand. I pulled my hand back and smoothed out my blouse, swallowing hard as I felt the heat of my body raise with my anticipation. My palms became sweaty while I waited for him to answer. It took what felt like ages before he swung open the door, sending a gust of wind through his dark hair. My eyes locked themselves on his face that I had nearly forgotten how it looked up close. My emotions hit me all at once like a giant wave washing over me, though I used my effort to refrain from showing any of them. I put on a straight face, hoping it came off like I was unbothered.

"Emma," he finally spoke, with a noticeable look of disbelief on his face. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to return your clothes that I had borrowed from you a while ago. I figured you might want them back." I held the bag out in front of him, but he just stared down at it like it was some kind of foreign device.

I moved the bag further in front of him, almost shoving it into his chest. He finally took it from my hands, his look of perplexity had turned into one more of discouragement. I started to walk away but he grabbed my hand.

"Can we talk please?"

Gracie was watching us through the rolled up car window from behind the steering wheel, peering over her shoulder.

"Please?" he said again.

I sighed and shook my head.

"I'll keep asking, then. I'm relentless when it comes to the things I want."

Those familiar clear blue eyes looked at me with such anticipation and pleading, as if my response had the potential to either devastate him or gladden him. Those same eyes that I once found myself falling madly in love with. I couldn't deny that I felt a sense of power, knowing that he was so concerned about me, but I managed to play it cool. "And why exactly should we? There's nothing to talk about."

"I told you, I feel bad about everything that went down between us."

"I thought we cleared that up already."

"I want to make it up to you. I want to start over. Fresh. Like it never happened."

"That's not necessary." I tried to keep my replies short and to the point.

"Maybe not to you, but it is to me. Please?" There was that look again.

Another back and forth and I couldn't help but cave in, agreeing to have a talk with him. I could tell that Gracie was still looking on so I waved her off, signaling that I was going inside the house with Noel.

The smell of his house brought me right back to the night we shared, when we were both overflowing with curiosity and infatuation for one another. The circumstances were drastically different now, however, and the atmosphere was a far cry from how it was then.

In silence, I followed him to the sitting area, where he dropped on a cushioned chair and set the bag down on the floor beside him. I sat at a good distance adjacent from him and crossed my legs, avoiding eye contact with him and waiting for him to initiate the conversation. I didn't have to wait long.

"It was never my intention to give you the wrong impression and I want to start by apologizing to you again," he paused, raking his hands through his feathered hair. "I'm genuinely sorry that I've hurt you, Emma."

"I accept your apology," I said simply, even though I felt like crying or running into his arms again. Despite everything he'd done, I found myself feeling sorry for him. I knew that neither of us ever wanted this to happen in the first place. I raised my chin and let my eyes wander over to him. He was nervously chewing on his fingernails and frantically looking at the ground until his eyes met mine. I immediately knew that looking at him was a mistake because he now locked me in with his gaze. My pulse was racing. I couldn't turn away.

A silence fell over the both of us as we looked each other directly in the eyes for a minute too long. He didn't look as animated as he usually did. His hair looked unkempt, his face was unshaven, and he had faint dark circles under his eyes. It seemed as if he hadn't slept at all.

He was the first to break the silence again. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is,I don't want to lose you."

I was about to say something but he sat up and continued talking. "I can't stop thinking about you, Em."

If it weren't for the serious look on his face, I would've thought he was joking like he always was.

"I mean it. Let's put all of this behind us and give this another chance."

"Noel, don't-"

"Emma, I want to be with you. I don't want to see anyone else and the thought of you seeing someone else makes me jealous. And I don't care how selfish that makes me sound."

I unconsciously scoffed. "Great, now you know how I feel," I murmured under my breath.

"I'm falling in love with you. I'm in love with you, can't you see? I've never felt this way about anyone before." His tone was serious yet soft.

I was overwhelmed. And frankly taken aback. Here I was, sitting on the couch of Noel Fielding while he confessed his love for me. I chewed on the inside of my cheeks, trying to collect my thoughts, even though I already knew how I felt.

My eyes met his and I held his gaze as I stepped closer without saying a word. I sat on his knee and we both immediately put our arms around each other.

Something inside of me didn't want this, or whatever we were, to come to an end. I became depressed at the thought that I could easily leave right now and never see him again. I desperately didn't want that. I wasn't about to let our love fade into nothingness. Unlike my past loves, this was something different. Completely different.

I hated myself in that moment, but lord help me, I was so in love with him. I couldn't fight my guard any longer. I spoke in a meditative sigh, "I'm not ready to let you go just yet. Not now, not anytime soon."

Noel's expression softened and my words seemed to put him at an ease. A hint of a smile rose up on his lips. "Good, because I can't picture my life without you here."

Resting my head on his shoulder, I felt him place a kiss to my head and then rest his own on top of mine. When I told him that I loved him, I had never felt more sure of anything before. Being in his arms felt like home to me.

I felt a few tears escape from my eyes, as we tightly held one another. I wasn't full on sobbing, but tears were rolling down my cheeks nonetheless. I was set on making our love not die out and become another one of my regrets. I loved him with my whole heart - a feeling that renewed my faith that true love still existed in this world.