paper hearts (jeon jungkook)

Serendipity

"Happy holidays!"

Just in time, the bell rang loudly. Your classmates cheered as they clapped their hands in excitement. With sunken eyes due to lack of sleep, you weakly complied in clapping. As the teacher left the classroom, your classmates stood up and huddled into various groups. You stayed in your seat at the back, watching them happily chat with one another. They were probably planning long-awaited parties and trips since the college entrance exams and the first semester's final examination already ended.

Suddenly, you felt a familiar ache stir in your chest. Sitting alone, you realized that you weren't part of any friend group and you were already in your senior year of high school. Sure, you had no close friends for the longest time; but you still yearned for them.

You will always yearn for company and love.

Sadly, you could barely balance working part-time and maintaining your scholarship. You needed to find a new job and unlike your classmates who were thinking of vacation, you prepared yourself to work two jobs during the semestral break.

Snapping out of your daze, you stood up and briskly walked out of the classroom. You gently rubbed your chest, attempting to soothe it out of pain. You felt lonelier every December, wrapped in the cold and reality of having no one. Nonetheless, you used that to work hard for yourself.

Once you got back to the orphanage, you sat on your bed. Thankfully, the dormitory hall was empty. You got your notebook out, checking all of your expenses and savings.

"Is college really possible?" you muttered under your breath.

You poured your heart and soul in taking the College Scholastic Ability Test. Even if you weren't sure about how you're going to pay for college, you grabbed the opportunity in fulfilling your dream. You wanted to study in Seoul and try out in their best schools.

And maybe, just maybe, while you're there, you can finally meet Jungkook again and make sure he's fine.

It has been more than a year since you two cut connection. You were hurt that he didn't even— at least— bother saying goodbye forever; but you still cared for him. Not a single day has passed that you didn't think about Jungkook and how he was. Sometimes, you see him on the news and it only concerned him and Hyundai. Since his letters stopped, you still wanted to reassure that he will always have you; but you had an inkling that he just didn't want anything to do with you anymore.

Sighing deeply, you still found yourself caring for him— dreaming of him. However, you didn't want to hope anymore; aware of your reality and being the only person for yourself.

That night, you lost sleep like usual. Doubt often crept in your mind and ate at your strength. Everyday, you felt like Atlas trying to balance the world on your shoulders. You let yourself cry quietly, caressing your own shoulder for comfort. The thought of growing up alone and the feeling of intense fatigue were overwhelming you; and you saw no one to lean on to and motivate you to keep moving forward.

You wanted to disappear.

"Shh, shh," you whispered to yourself, inaudible and lost under your blanket.

"I have myself." you mouthed into chilly air.

The next day, you got ready for work with just three hours of sleep. Your head was practically pounding but it was nothing new so you shrugged it off.

Walking down the street, you started mentally preparing for the new job you got at a nearby cafe. It had only been in-business for a few months and they were hiring waitresses. The wife of the owner was extremely kind to you when you applied for the job and it shocked you even more when they accepted you since you were young; however, you knew it was because of your background. You hated being subjected into pity; but you couldn't deny that you needed her help. You just felt indebted all the time.