Under the Stars

4. Guilt

Chapter 4: Guilt

Mia's POV

*****

Guilt is an unpredictable feeling. You never know when it will hit you the most, nor how it will make you feel. 

When I lied to Layla and told her I had a boyfriend, I never imagined that the guilt would start eating me alive, so much that I no longer looked forward to talk to her. It wasn't because I didn't want to talk to her, but because every time we skyped or messaged each other, she would always ask me about my boyfriend, and one lie would always lead to another, making me feel worse.

The guilt was suffocating me, making me feel as if I couldn't even concentrate on school. I felt like the most horrible friend ever. Layla had always been honest with me as far as I could tell, even telling me things that she hadn't ever told anyone, and instead I repayed her by lying to her. Seeing the excited look on her face and hearing her girly squeal made me feel as if I wanted to cry.

The gnawing feeling in my chest was the only thing that I could think about as I walked for my math tutoring session group which I had to go to after my marks dropped drastically when Mr.Johnson became my teacher. 

I had to try and forget everything that happened, at least for that hour. I knew that if I didn't understand the subject with Mr.Williams, I would not have been able to understand it at all. That was why I decided to turn off my phone, ensuring that I didn't receive any messages from Layla. 

Opening my books as soon as Mr.Williams let me into his garage as he usually did, I waited for the arrival of the other students so that we could begin. 

"Would you like to start working on page 52?" He asked, leading me to flip to page 52, and nodding my head with a light smile, happy that I actually knew the topic. 

Math was  a whole lot easier with Mr.Williams. Unlike Mr.Johnson, he had faith in me, even seeing me as one of his best students. He had high hopes for me to do well in my finals, and I was not going to let him down. Seeing my improvement, Mr.Johnson always tapped himself on the back, thinking that he had something to do with it. Little did he know that  before he became my teacher, I used to pass math with flying colours. 

I took a deep breath, mentally telling myself to try and push my guilt away at least for a while, until I could find a way to make it go away permanently. I wanted to concentrate and try to understand what I was doing. I always enjoyed Johnson's surprised face every time I knew a topic before he even explained it, but even when I grasped the topic, he still tried to make me feel stupid. 

The only way to make him leave me alone was to actually get a high grade, and that was exactly what I was going to do. I couldn't let my lie get in the way of both my friendship and my studies. 

My concentration, however, completely dissolved as soon as I saw who walked in to the garage, smiling at Mr.Williams and taking a seat down next to me, hitting me with one of his drop dead gorgeous smiles. 

"Jack, what are you doing here?" I asked, trying to mask my excitement. 

I liked Jack, that much was certain. He was nice, funny, sweet, and helpful, but my guilt continued growing every time I layed eyes on him, remembering that the only reason I told Layla that lie was because he friended me in that exact moment. I felt ashamed of myself, and I was also disappointed at the fact that I used Jack and his looks to describe my boyfriend to Layla.