Weight of the World-p.r.s

19-conicidentally, this isn't real

Jayden couldn't shake the feeling of worry he felt. He and Brooke had settled back into their normal routines quickly, as a sense to regain a semblance of normalcy, but it was all for naught. For him, anyway. He didn't actually know how Brooke was doing- she just seemed to be waking up later and looking more and more tired each passing day. The cut Deker made to her neck had almost healed, but every time Jayden saw it he felt either guilt or anger. Sometimes it was a mix of both, but he tried not to let it show- just shutting away his thoughts. Still, there were times when he couldn't shut them away, such as now.

The words Deker said to him, about knowing his secret- which Jayden didn't even know was true or not, echoed in his head. That damned secret. It caused him more stress, annoyance, and guilt than he would like. He honestly wondered if it was doing more harm than good- as he only got letters from Lauren rarely, and they were just about her training. Of course, it's not like Jayden had other things to write about, sometimes he wrote about the team. Lauren had found it amusing that Mia was a bad cook and wrote back "It's probably better than what I'm eating here" accompanied by a small smiley face that made him happy. He didn't know why, but it just did, and every time he got a letter from Lauren, he realized how much he missed his older sister. He just wished there could somehow be two red rangers or something so that he could have his sister and his team. A happy balance, and an even number of rangers.

Jayden had written about Deker in his most recent letter- which he had written last night when he couldn't sleep. He needed a third-party to look at the situation and to tell him what to do because he was drawing blanks. And while the team was nice, they weren't the best at dealing with things like that. He had also brought up Brooke- for the first time, as he was somewhat nervous about Lauren's reaction to the silver ranger, due to what her mother did. He had written about how she was wrapped up with him in all of this, and nothing more.

The image of the half-human's sword to Brooke's throat, and the fact that it scared him, was something that Jayden kept to himself. Deker was getting to his head too much, and Jayden knew it, but he couldn't stop it. He wanted to talk to Brooke but was making a very poor attempt to avoid talking to her. He didn't want her getting hurt because of him- and that meant keeping Brooke away from him, but Jayden couldn't. Physically, as they lived in the same house and he could only do so much without coming across as a jackass. Mentally, because he couldn't muster up the courage to tell Brooke that he didn't want her around. It was a complete and total lie- and while Jayden was pretty decent at lying, as he's been doing it to the team for months on end, he couldn't.

He also knew if he did something to upset the silver ranger, the five others would pick up on it quickly. Brooke and Jayden were always close, whether it be in their routines or battle, and if that just stopped, it would mean something was wrong. At least, Jayden was trying to convince himself that it was for the team, and it was totally not for a selfish reason. It was easier to live in denial than to face that mess of emotions. It's what he's been doing for months on end, after all. Jayden found out that he was somewhat decent at stuffing down emotions.

Plus, he was a leader. Typically, leaders don't get crushes on teammates. Especially a teammate that had to undergo blood experimentation led by his father. Jayden had figured that out by asking Ji, as he didn't want to make Brooke upset, because she always seemed to shut off somewhat when someone mentioned things regarding her past. Nobody blamed her- Jayden didn't blame her. He would do the same thing if the roles were reversed. He made the mental note to actually talk to Brooke about it, though, because while Jayden knew that she wasn't one to hold grudges, she could easily just be faking her nonchalant attitude.