Killed with Love

BROKEN

Fear; it can consume you from inside. It's a darkness crawling up, you feel like screaming it out but you can't, you lose your voice. Your throat gets dry, your hands go cold and your heart races as if it might burst any second. You do everything in your power to stand up, but your knees give away. Fear takes control, makes you it's slave and all you can do is cling to the tiniest hope that lingers in your head because fear is a powerful weapon which can kill you while you are still alive.

I watched Jessica go away. All the strength inside me vanished in a second. I wanted to scream, scream my heart out. I felt trapped, alone and vulnerable.

I had to tell my kids, couldn't keep them in the dark for so long, they had to know the truth. I know when I see them cry in pain, it will make my heart bleed.

I looked up at the sky, closed my eyes, took sharp breaths and walked inside.

Rose was watching TV and Lila was playing with her favorite doll. They looked at peace with innocent and pure smiles. I was about to shatter them.

I sat on the sofa and called them to sit beside me. Both of them almost jumped on me with excitement. I cuddled them both close and kissed their sweet foreheads.

"Rose, Lila, I have to tell you guys something" I almost whispered to them.

"What is it mommy?" Lila asked, her big innocent eyes beamed with curiosity. I lost words.

"Daddy.... won't be coming...back" I somehow managed to choke the words out, I looked at their confused expressions.

"What do you mean?" Rose asked, she was a year older to Lila and was a lot mature than her age.

"He met with an accident....and he couldn't make it." I spoke each word carefully, watching their expressions. I couldn't tell them he was murdered because that would only scare them more.

"NO" both of them screamed together in pain and started crying. I could feel my world shattering, a mother's worst nightmare is to see her kids in extreme pain. I just hugged them close to my heart and let them take their pain out.

They didn't say a word the entire evening, Rose couldn't stop sobbing and Lila didn't come out of her room. I somehow managed to get them to bed and they both hugged me tight and slept.

I watched them sleep and promised to myself that I would never let them down again.

They didn't go to school the next morning, I didn't wake them up either, it was better for both of them to stay close to me for a few days.

I was in the kitchen cooking breakfast when I started getting flashbacks.

"You have become ugly" "You don't have the old spark" "You are such a burden" "You make me sick" "Why aren't you like the other women"

These were the comments I received on a daily basis, he always had this disgust and hatred in his eyes. I don't even remember when was the last time he sat beside me and talked to me, asked me how my day was, or how was I feeling. The only time he missed me was when he needed to fuck.

"Honey what should I be wearing for the party?" I asked one night flushing pink with excitement.

John stood in front of me and studied me in disgust...

"Jenna you have started to look ugly, come on try to maintain your shape" He snorted in disgust.

"Forget about the party, its for businessmen anyways, I'll come home late, take care of the kids, see ya". Saying so he barged from the door.

I stood in front of the mirror; I was mother of his kids what did he think? it wouldn't change my body?

That night he came home at 1, drunk as fuck. I stayed awake, couldn't sleep without knowing he was alright. I don't know what had gotten into him but he looked at me with hatred and slapped me, cursed me for existing and collapsed on the floor.

The next day he apologized "I am sorry I was drunk you know" He didn't look sorry at all and like any other time I forgave him and from that day on I was afraid of him.

I felt weak; I was a strong person, though I was alone before I met him, I never depended on anyone for emotional support, I was fine by myself before he came in my life. I had control on myself, but then, no matter how he treated me I was always ready to forgive, hoping he would change, hoping he would become the John I loved 6 years ago.

I felt used. Our marriage was loveless, I wanted to ask him, why, why did he do this to me? why did he make me feel like I was just a wasted human being, I never asked for anything, I was always happy with a dinner date or just few hugs and long talks , all I wanted was to be loved, like a normal wife, not like some showpiece whose worth degraded with time.

I wished I could go back, wished I had never met him, never let him inside my world, never let him see my vulnerable side, I wished I didn't open up my heart to him, only to be broken into million pieces. I wish I had never trusted him.

Love is like walking blindfolded on the edge of a cliff, with a faith that your partner wouldn't let you fall, you give in, but then you are pushed and it's when you fall you curse yourself for ever trusting in love.

I couldn't leave him and he knew that very well, he always took advantage of it. "A decent family has a good impression in the business" he said, so he didn't leave me either. Also, if I asked for a divorce, he could easily win custody of the kids with his money and power, he had lot of contacts. So, all I could do was bear the pain every single day.

As I stood by the dinning-table I thought to myself

I am happy that you are dead John.

AT THE POLICE STATION

"Why have I been called sheriff?" She asked rudely as she sat in front of me in the investigation room.

"Mrs Alice Smith, we found a death threat sent by you to your son, on the same night he was murdered, tell me, why would a mother send a text like that to his son?"

She laughed

"Oh, come on Mr sheriff, my son and I shared a fun bond, it was just a joke, its not my fault you people took it so seriously" she chuckled.

"Well, what were you doing with Mrs Jenna Smith in Town Bar that night?"

She looked at me in anger

"That bitch, you should be interrogating her instead of me, she is a horrible person, never kept my son happy, I just went to have few drinks with my friends, I found her outside the Bar, I saw her giving some money to few weird guys. I knew she was up to something, so I followed her, she caught me and that bitch started shouting at me, she had the nerve to shout at me! I am telling you Mr Sheriff it's her!" She exclaimed.

"We will interrogate her too, but first as part of the investigation procedure we need to take your DNA sample and fingerprints." I said.

"Sure, Sheriff, whatever suits you, you may think I look too happy for a mother whose son was just murdered. I am just not too expressive when it comes to grieving you know" She said it as a matter of fact.

"Oh yes one more thing, my son was filthy rich, so in his will he had mentioned that if anything ever happened to him, 50% of his wealth would go to me and the other 50% to Jenna. I am pretty sure that bitch is after his money." She almost whispered.

"That would be all for now Mrs Smith, we will take the samples and then you may leave, we might call you again later" I said in a stern voice.

Later that evening, Joe and I were going through John Smith's will papers and the evidences found at the crime scene.

" Tomorrow morning Jessica will be called for investigation then Jenna, we have to take their samples too, meanwhile you go to the Bar and question the people who work there, also, ask in the neighborhood about Mr Smith and his wife; we might get something" I told Joe

"Yes sir, well, I have my bets on Jenna Smith sir, what do you think?" asked Joe.

"Alice and Jenna, they both killed John" I replied.