Wicked Things We Crave

Chapter Eleven

"What the hell were you thinking," Anya scolded as if she were some child.

Astrid shook her head before taking a sip of her coffee, cuddled up in her favorite throw blanket that had helped her through every breakup and every tough decision of her life. It'd been her security for as long as she could remember, but its magic didn't stand a chance against Jonah's. "I don't know. One minute we were dancing, and the next we were kissing, and it was like nothing I'd ever felt before."

He was right. It was magic. It was music created only for them. It was a sensation unmatched by anything else in the world. It was the stars shining only for them. It was fireworks lighting up her life.

Just remembering how his hands had touched her, how his fingers had strummed the perfect melody within her, how his mouth had felt against her skin was leaving goosebumps across every inch of her. The man she couldn't have, but couldn't walk away from or resist.

It was all just an impossible situation that Jonah seemed determined to breathe hope into.

"You in love with him?" Anya asked then, breaking Astrid from her daze.

Her eyes shot from the coffee in her mug to her friends every stare. Astrid opened her mouth to say 'absolutely not', but those words refused to leave her lips. "We spent one night together. One jaw-dropping, perfect night."

"Sounds like the two of you dropped more than just your jaws," Anya quipped. "That aside, you may have just gotten physical for one night, but you've known him since day one. Literally. I think you've avoided saying that word for as long as you have because you know exactly what it means. So I'm asking you one more time, and answer honestly. Do. You. Love. Him?"

Astrid thought the simple question over, not wanting to answer too quickly. She loved him, but that wasn't what Anya was asking. She was asking if she was in love with Jonah.

He made her pulse race. Made her heart ache. He made her body go weak. Made her mind a hazy mess. The thought of not having him in her life for the first time in their history killed her. The thought of him never touching her again like he had last night made her soul shatter.

"Probably," Astrid finally admitted. "I know I've felt nothing close to this. There was a moment last night when the word floated in my brain and made me feel dizzy." She took another sip of her coffee, but somehow it'd lost its taste.

Anya nodded to her slowly, her eyes looking up at nothing in particular. "Okay, so you know I don't like the guy that much."

"That much is very clear, yes," Astrid replied with a laugh.

"But that was mostly because he's always been crazy protective of you. He seemed to think it was his full-time job to be by your side and play cock interference. The way he looks at you, Astrid, even when your eyes are somewhere else, it's always felt so fierce and powerful, and I've thought on over one occasion that I wished a guy would look at me with even half that intensity.

"I'm not saying to go for it, cause he bugs the shit out of me, but if he's the guy that will make you happy-"

"My dad-."

Anya held up her palm. "The good parents want us to be happy, even at the expense of their own happiness. Your dad is one of those good parents. He'd be angry, but eventually he'll get over it once he sees how happy Jonah makes you. Has always made you. I never understood it, but I don't have to."

Astrid feverishly shook her head. Everything that Anya was saying was true. Jonah had always made her happy; from the moment she was born to the moment she woke up in his arms that morning. Not that it was his job to make her happy. Jonah had done that free of charge. It was that undeniable connection they'd always shared.

She was also right that her father would likely forgive her someday for stealing away his best friend. Forgiveness wouldn't come easily, but it would come with time. Forgiving Jonah, however, would likely never happen. He'd been welcomed into the family many years ago, but once this all came to light, he'd be forced out and never allowed to return.

"I'm scared, Anya," she finally admitted. "I'm scared that I'm going to go for this thing, and it'll just end up being this infatuation that disappears, and that we'll all end up with nothing left. He'll end up hating me for losing everything, and I don't know if I could handle that."

Anya tugged at her until Astrid gave in and leaned her head against her friend's shoulder. "I don't think it's possible for that guy to hate you, but I can pretty much guarantee that if you dangle the possibility of true love in front of him for the rest of his life, it's going to lead to resentment, and you'll end losing each other because no one can take that sort of long-term pain."

Damn her for making perfect sense. Damn her and all her wisdom.

"If you want my fourteen cents, I say, if you think it's love, it probably is."

Tears dripped from Astrid's eyes then, because she was probably right. Infatuation didn't feel like this. She knew that much from experience. Maybe they'd only shared the one night together, but they'd also shared a lifetime by each other's side.

Jonah had made her smile every time she felt like her life was coming undone. He'd seen her at her absolute worst. He was there to enjoy her triumphs. He'd wiped away her tears. He didn't judge her for her mistakes.

"Can you drive me somewhere?" Astrid asked. She had a car, but not only was she in no condition to drive, she also didn't want her car spotted.

"I will if you take a shower. Right now you smell like yesterday's sex. You'll want to clean up before you smell like today's sex."