Wicked Things We Crave

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Astrid picked at her cuticles as Jonah drove in silence. They'd barely spoke of her mother since that day, instead trying to focus on their dream house and anything positive. But the woman was always in the back of her mind. She imagined different conversations and how they would go, but still didn't know what she was going to say to her.

There was little Astrid remembered about her mom. Not her scent or her smile. Not her voice or her the way she carried herself. She didn't remember how she wore her hair or what songs she sang along to. 

When her dad called her this morning to relay her mother's desire to meet for lunch, Astrid changed her mind, then changed it again and again. Then she changed her outfit, then changed that again and again. It was a day of second guessing every decision; big, small, or trivial. Now that Astrid was only a minute or so from her destination, she wanted to tell Jonah to turn the car around.

He would. In a second, he'd take her back home or drive her anywhere but the one place her heart told her she needed to go, despite her head fighting her tooth and nail. 

"We're here," Jonah announced as he pulled into a parking spot across from the restaurant. He let out a small huff of air as he killed the engine, and moved his eyes from the the building across the street toward Astrid. "I want you to remember that you don't owe this woman a goddamn thing. Anytime you want to leave, we'll leave."

Astrid gave him a slow nod before she left the vehicle and stood there staring across the street. She looked plenty presentable in her long chocolate brown dress, which Jonah stared at like an invitation when he first saw her in it. Astrid had even curled her hair and put on a bit of makeup. Something about knowing she was about to see her mother made her want to look and feel beautiful, if only just to show the woman she'd turned out fine after being raised by a bunch of mechanics. 

Jonah laced their fingers together and waited for a car to pass before leading her across the street. The traffic was light as it always was, and the weather warm as it tended to be this time of year. Despite this being a small town, they were on the fancier side of it. Nice restaurants, upscale stores, and sophisticated people. Though she looked the part this time around, Astrid felt out of place as she always did.

"I love you," Jonah spoke beside her as they closed in on the restaurant. 

She gave him a smile; probably the first all day. "I love you too."

"No." Jonah walked in front of Astrid before she could reach the door and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I mean, yes... What I'm trying to say is that no matter what kind of crazy comes out of that woman's mouth, you need to know that you're loved, Astrid."

His love was never questioned. The only thing Astrid ever worried about was if he loved her enough to stick around. It was always in the back of her head as a child. Would she ever do something wrong that would make his love and him go away? Then as a teen, she wondered if he loved her so much he put the rest of his life on hold for her. 

Jonah, despite his rocky past, could have done so many big things with his life. He was incredibly smart; easily the smartest person she'd ever met. He was charismatic and good looking. Jonah could have led a great and important life, but chose to stay in their small town. Astrid never dared ask if she was the reason, yet in the back of her mind always knew she was. It was because he'd given up so much for her that she knew he loved her in that innocent yet powerful way. 

"I know I'm loved," she assured him. 

Jonah gave her a single, short nod, then opened the door to the restaurant and stepped aside so she could walk in. 

There were only a few tables occupied. The elite part of the community was small, and most of their business took place at dinner time. It was easy to spot her mother sitting in the corner by the front window, sipping her mimosa. Astrid only had a few photos of her, and none with the two of them together. They were all from before she was born, during the summer her parents fell in love.