Wicked Things We Crave

Chapter Twenty-One

Jonah stepped through the living room, over beer and liquor bottles, damaged furniture, glass, and shredded up papers. He covered his nose to protect himself from the stench of molding food and made his way to the backyard. Scott was sitting there, hunched over, a pile of his own vomit only a foot away.

Finding a spot a few feet away from the smell, Jonah sat down, keeping his eyes on the grass in front of him.

"What the fuck you want?"

"To talk."

Scott let out a sardonic laugh. "You must be drunker than I am to have the balls to come over here. We don't have shit to talk about."

If only Jonah was drunk, this would be so much easier before having the deal with the backlash of it all. "I doubt that. Something tells me you'd have a list three pages long of shit you want to say to me if you hadn't torn up all the paper in your house. Whatever you need to say, say it. I can handle it."

Scott wiped at his mouth and sat up. "Don't know how many ways I can call someone a lying piece of shit."

"Let's find out."

"I ain't joking with you, Jonah. You and I aren't friends anymore," Scott snapped.

Jonah remained as composed as he could be given the situation. "I'm not joking. Every shitty thing you want to say to me, I want you to say. We may not be friends anymore, but we were for a damn long time. We've vented on each other how many times over the years? You need to vent, and I'm the person you need to vent about, so go ahead."

From three feet away, Scott let out a huff of air. Jonah could feel his eyes on him now, but remained fixated on the ground. "Why the hell did you do it? The women in this town have always had a thing for you, so why in the hell did you have to go for the one person who was off limits?"

He'd expected something for more vicious, but it still gutted him to hear the pain in Scott's voice. "Astrid's always been my reason. I got clean for her, stayed clean for her. Every time I've had a beer, I always wanted something stronger, but didn't do it because I didn't want to disappoint or lose her. I never wanted to stay in this town, but knew I'd never be able to be away from her for long. She's always been my light and reason for pushing forward. Everything I have, I have because I fought to be better than I was. For her.

"Astrid's my goddaughter, and that's fucked six ways from Sunday, but she's also been my friend and my confidant for years. Anything's wrong, we go to each other. Anything's right, we celebrate together. I've missed her when she wasn't around, always looked forward to spending time with her, and we can talk until then sun comes up.

"I had two best friends, and I fell in love with one of them. A part of me has been falling for her for a while now, but it just came as flashes of possibility I ignored, because it was too fucked up to even fathom. Truth is, you were the one who said I needed to get myself clean, but I'd barely be me without her. I'd be something darker and broken, if I even existed at all. Everything good in me exists for her."

Jonah let out a cough, recalling the words Scott spoke before. "You asked me why I did it. Why I chose her out of all the other women in this town. It's because my heart has always belonged to her. Every minute of every day she's been alive. The choice was in whether or not I was going to be with her, but there was never a choice about me loving her."

Pulling the pack from his pocket, Jonah tapped out another cigarette and tossed one over to Scott. He knew Scott smoked occasionally, just as he did. After he lit his own, Jonah tossed the lighter over to his former friend and watched him do the same. "I told you at the bar I loved you, and I was telling you the truth. But nothing has ever compared to the love I've always felt for Astrid."

"So I'm just supposed to accept this shit?" Scott asked as he took his first puff.

It would be remarkable if he could, but it wasn't realistic. Not any time soon. "Accept that I didn't do this to hurt you. It happened because I allowed myself to feel something I've been too ashamed to feel. Accept that you have a daughter who didn't want to hurt you either and is fucking miserable right now thinking you'll never forgive her. Astrid thinks you don't love her anymore, Scott."

"She's my daughter," Scott growled before taking another drag. "Astrid could shoot up half the damn town, and I'd still love her."

"Not every parent's love is unconditional," Jonah pointed out. "Her mom walked away from her without a second thought. She needs to know you're not going to do the same, and she needs to hear it from you."

After Scott appeared to take in the words, he nodded. "Don't think I'm in the right state to see her today. I'll stop and see her tomorrow."

A quiet took over for a minute, and while he relished in the moment's calm, Jonah knew it would end and took it upon himself to be the one to end it.

"How bad do you hate me?" Maybe Jonah was a glutton for punishment, but it was better to get an idea of where he stood to know just how much Scott could handle.

He still didn't know she'd be leaving with him when the time came to move on.

Scott ran his fingers through his greasy hair, then took one more hit off his cigarette before tossing it in the nearest bottle. "Not that easy. I look at you right now and I see two different men. One of them I wanna put six feet under. The other I couldn't imagine ever hating a week ago. Just need to get a handle on things. Figure my shit out. You gotta give me some time on this one."

Jonah nodded. "I can do that."