Daisuga One Shots

I'm such a mess

Today is the day. Today, we are graduating.

I woke up early for the ceremony this morning. I ate and showered, and I put my uniform on. My parents drove to the school, coming with me on this special day. And right now, I'm in front of the school's entry, unable to move.

Anxiety is getting the upper hand over me. I can barely breathe, and my hands are shaking and sweating. As I am lost in my thoughts, staring at the imposing buiding, I don't hear the steps beside me. 

"I guess it's time.

I shake my head, surprised and almost scared by the voice of my best friend. I stare at his face, trying to hold back the tears in my eyes. I should've done something before. I should've made a move. It's too late now. Giving him my best poker face, I nod, smiling a bit sadly as the situation requires. Now that I think about it, I've always been good at giving people a poker face. Well, except Daichi, but I'm not going to go on that topic.

He walks towards the building and I follow him, since it's all I've been able to do for three years. Behind us, we can hear Asahi calling for us. We stop, waiting for him. He already has tears in his eyes. I can't look at him, otherwise i think my heart is going to burst. We contiue walking, our trio being reunited for what seems like the last time. We enter the school and take a seat together, all the three of us, at the back of the lines of chairs. All the students and their parents are coming, sitting here and there. Daichi is sitting next to me. I can feel his calf against mine, and I pray for him not to end the contact. For once, it looks like my prayer has been heard : he stays in this position and doesn't even move a bit. 

The headmaster delivers a boring speech on how our year is going to be important for the rest of our life, on how we must keep working hard in university, congratulating us on havingour diplomas, blah, blah blah. Everyone looks so happy to hear him spouting his nonsense words, thinking this year has been a complete success. 

It was not. 

Of course, I got to live insane moments, thanks to the Karasuno team, like going to nationals. I had a lot of fun being with Daichi and Asahi for three years. I almost feel like they were the three best years of my life. But I have this one regret that keeps haunting me. I have this huge fucking regret of not telling my best friend how I really felt about him.

I never told Daichi I loved him. 

But I guess, since he didn't tell me anything either, he doesn't feel the same way. Oh, god, it hurts. It hurts so bad. I clear my throat to get rid of the ball shaping in it. Daichi looks my way, a bit concerned. 

"Are you okay, Suga ? he says.

I nod, incapable of giving him a proper response. He looks away to the headmaster and i let a tear fall down on my thigh. I immediately wipe it with my sleeve and try to concentrate on this stupid speech. 

I'm standing here, in the middle of the crowd, with my diploma in one hand. I can't stand this anymore. I bump into Asahi and tell him I have to go to the bathroom. It's not true. I have to isolate myself and repeat in my fucking head how much of a mess I am.

I'm a mess. I'm such a mess.

I walk fast to the gym, and hide behind the building, where almost nobody could see me. I slide my back on the wall, covering my face with my arm, crying in my elbow. I end up hunched up against the gym wall, crying my soul out on what, I truly believe it, is a missed opportunity to be happy. 

After a while, I stop crying, looking away, in the void, thinking about my life, analyzing. As I am lost in my mind, some light steps approach to me, and I get to see Shimizu-san on the corner of the building.