Without You [Daniel Ricciardo]

PROLOGUE

When Daniel stood in front of the mirror he avoided his reflection like fire. In the past he never realised how much havoc in one's soul can be caused by an ordinary mirror. If he looked himself in the eyes right now, shame and guilt would knock him off his feet like a mighty wave. He would drown. Salty water of his tears would fill his lungs as he would slowly drift off into the black abyss. He wanted to end this misery of living in his own skin. He wished to not feel things anymore. The only obstacle in his way was that guy on the other side of the room. In his eyes Daniel Ricciardo was a coward who runs away from the fight. In order to make himself feel better he kept telling himself that he's doing this for Nico. That he can't leave him after what happened to their crew in that church. That he has to stay and help Nico deal with this completly new situation for them. But in reality, Nico was just a good excuse to not do anything. And the roles switched a long time ago. Nico was doing great. Daniel was another burden for him to carry on his back, although he never thought about his brother in that way. He cared about Daniel as he was the only family he had left. That's why he didn't give himself enough time to grief. That's why Nico denied his feelings in every way possible. The world didn't stop as the last two members of the East Coast crew were having their pity party. It didn't take long until their sudden arrival in New Orleans aroused interest, became the topic of conversations, rumors and conspiracy theories. There were little fires everywhere which Nico had to fight with, but the only thing he had was his fake smile. He also couldn't count on Daniel's help, so he was forced to go out in order to avoid the spread of fake informations about crew of East Coast and keep the last pieces of dignity. He forgot about all the sadness, forced a wide smile on his face and before he knew it Nico Hulkenberg turned into social butterfly. During the course of time he began to appreciate people he spent time with. The mansion that once belonged to the whole crew gradually stopped being a quite place with lots of ghost within its walls. As the house was filling with citizens of New Orleans every week, Nico tried to convince Daniel to join them for a short conversation. But no matter how many times he asked, the answer was always the same. With every "no" from his brother's mouth it got harder and harder for Nico to hide his sorrow towards him. He was doing all of this not because he wanted to. They weren't dead just yet. He wanted for both of them to feel normal again as much as it was possible. Unfortunately, Daniel couldn't do that, even for him.

Daniel spent most of the time in his room. Sometimes too curious guest would take the stairs and go upstairs. In such moments Daniel would become the meanest version of himself. He would act cold towards them, but all of this was just an act of jealousy. He envied those people. Their lifes were like a one big soap bubble. They will never know the true cruelties of this world. They won't see what he has seen. They won't feel what he has felt. They won't suffer the losses as overwhelming as he did. Locking himself away was a temporary medicine which didn't cure the disease. He had to come up with something else really quick, because he felt this pressure from Nico's side. It's not like he didn't see his efforts. Under different circumstances he would thanked him for trying. Daniel just didn't care anymore. He accepted that emptiness in his life. Passivity was engulfing him like a black hole. He got addicted to it. He discovered that when you don't care about anything at all, life gets easier. In the world painted only with black and white colors making decisions became simple. That's why Daniel didn't know how to explain why he made an exception tonight. Maybe it was that spark of anger in Nico's eyes when he refused him the first time he asked? Or was it guilt that he had neglected him as he still kept trying to bring Daniel back to life?

Daniel never celebrated his birthday in some special way. For him birthdays were no different from other days in the calendar. Besides, it wasn't something that crew members would do. Candles, birthday wishes, gifts, birthday cards... All those things were so obvious for others that for him didn't meant anything. Total abstraction, you could've call it. He wasn't the one to blame for it. All of them were brought up that way, before joining the crew. Nevertheless, it didn't stop Nico. He seemed to had written down all these on a piece of paper, while organizing a birthday party for him. He invited propably half of the city. Daniel knew his brother did his best. Nico wanted this day to be a new beggining for both of them as he still had hope that his brother will awake from his slumber.