Open Hearts Are Broken Hearts [ S.R ]

16. The Oak Tree

He walked around your apartment aimlessly.

Between each tear he choked down, he desperately called out Nova's name.

You couldn't be gone.

When he finally rounded the corner into your bedroom, it struck him that you really were.

His CalTech sweatshirt was laid across your bed like it had been thrown. You'd left one of the last pieces you'd had of him. He could only imagine the tears that streamed down you face as you threw that simple piece of fabric across the room.

He felt those same tears stream down his face as he reached to pick up that same simple piece of fabric.

He carried it out to his car. It was one of the last pieces he had of you.

When he reached the car, he felt his whole heart shatter.

He'd really lost you before he ever got to tell you.

It had really happened to him twice, but he cared about this one so much more.

The drive back to the BAU was silent, only filled with his muffled cried and occasional swear word as he realized how bad he'd messed up.

When the elevator landed on the BAU's floor, he stepped into the bull pen. Emily raised herface to see the look on his. When she looked to see the sweatshirt hanging over his arm, her heart dropped.

Spencer dropped his stuff on the floor by his desk as he felt all the eyes around him burning into his sides. He sunk into his chair, slowly bringing his eyes to meet Emily's.

"She wasn't there." He pulled his eyes from her and back to where the coffees had been sitting on his desk. "I lost her... and I never even got to tell her."

JJ shared a glance with Derek as they both decided they had no clue what to say. Emily opened her mouth to say something, but quickly stopped herself.

Spencer was already in his head. Even had Emily said something, he wouldn't have heard her.

He was staring at where the coffee cups once sat. The coffee cup he'd always brought for you.

He could imagine you, nine months ago, standing in front of his desk. The way you rambled and rocked back and forth to calm your nerves. To think it all started over a doughnut, and a vanilla one with sprinkles at that.

He could see your smile as you flicked the paper football across the break in the desk and hear your laugh as you threw your arms up to yell "touchdown!"

He could see your mischievous smile as you reached for the blueberry scone and he could see you biting her finger to stop your laughing after Hotch caught you.

He could hear you promising not to change the way you looked at him over his mothers diagnosis and he could see the trust you had in your eyes. 

He could feel you drawing circles on his chest as you told him about your mother and the oak tree.

He could see you dancing around the kitchen as you cooked the waffles, and he could hear your chuckles as you pushed him out of your workspace.

He could smell your worn off perfume as you both floated around in that space of euphoria.

And he could feel the warmth of your skin underneath him and he could feel how cold he felt now without you.

But mostly he could hear you yelling at him about how much you loved him, but he could also here the door slamming behind you.

Wait... the Oak Tree?

You had only told him about the tree, aside from your grandpa. You had told him that was your place to go.

What if you had went there?

You weren't at your apartment. You weren't at the BAU. And you took Nova so you had to go to a house, you wouldn't leave her in the car.

As it hit him, he decided that was his only option left.

He got up from his chair, and grabbed his bag and sweatshirt. Emily watched him as he ran towards Penelope's office.

He bursted through the door into Penelope's office and didn't take the time to make small talk.

He jumped right in, "Penelope, I need you to get into Y/N's file and find an address."

"Oh my god Spencer, you scared me!" Penelope jumped.

"Can you find the address?" Spencer asked again.

"Uh, yeah. Do you know anything about it? Like what am I looking for?" Penelope said as she spun her chair around to face the computers. Her fingers started typing away.

Spencer began pacing back and forth across the room, using his eidetic memory to remember every detail you mentioned. He began reciting word for word what you had told him,

"But I had my grandpa. My mom and I spent the last couple years out with him. He owns this big house about an hour away from here. He has all this land, and oh! There's this one tree. It's this huge oak tree! My pap built me a swing on it, like a tire swing, and I used to go out there all the time. I swear when I sat there I could hear her talking to me.... Oh my god, wait, you must think i'm crazy!" Spencer returned from the depths of his mind.

He stopped pacing to watch Penelope's fingers shoot across the keyboard, "Does that help at all? Can you find an address?"

Penelope finally spoke up, "Uh yes, I found her emergency contact address it's about an hour away."

She put the address into the satellite map, "And it's on a huge plot of land with, bingo, one very large oak tree."

Spencer began running out the door to the bullpen, "Text me the directions!"

He was out of the door before Penelope could even respond.

He stood at the elevator pressing the LOBBY button many more times than once. He waited but when the elevator didn't open, he pressed it a bunch more.

When it still hadn't arrived, Spencer ran for the stairwell. Although he could run up the stairs two at a time, going down them two at a time wasn't was easy. His feet were moving as fast as he could get them to. When he reached the bottom doors, he ran for his car and set up the phone to send him directions. He put the car in drive and sped out of the parking lot.

He was so excited to finally be able to tell you, but no one even said you'd be there.

He was just trusting his gut.