Atonement

•16•

•Haz's Pov•
I sit in the living room with Tom as he talks in vivid detail about how he got stabbed, showing off his wound. I roll my eyes and it idiocy. He should feel lucky she didn't kill him. He doesn't understand the danger of this job, not to mention I can guarantee he probably almost peed his pants when this all went down. Tom is quite literally the opposite of me. He doesn't live and breath this life.
"Sir, I have the footage from the basement." Orion says.
I get up from my seat, and follow him to Eli's office. Normally Eli would be the one to find this for me, but he will be recovering for a little while.
"Okay here's what happened." He says, turning the laptop to me.
I watch the footage, the night where I held a knife to her throat and threatened her to get information.
I grab my knife off the table, holding it aggressively against her neck, she simply laughs at me.
"You better start answering my questions." My voice sounds through the tape.
"You wouldn't hurt me." She says.
"And what makes you think that?" I asked her.
"Because even though you were taught to do what's best for the mob, you'd rather disappoint the mob a million times over than disappoint her."
I watch myself drop the knife right next to her feet, storming out of the room. She then uses her feet to get it, and hide it. She obviously ended up using it to cut herself free later.
That's how she got out.. it's my fault. All because I put Aurie before the mob. I was so worried that'd I'd get angry and do something that I dropped it right there without even thinking.
"You didn't hear any of this." I say to Orion.
"Of course sir." He nods.
I close the laptop, standing up from the desk and leaving the office. Upside is I know that the basement is secure, I just fucked up. Downside is I never thought I'd be the guy to make such a bad mistake. I never mess up, ever.
As I pass the living room, I still hear all the guys are up and talking. I go into the kitchen to grab a beer, only to see Aurie sitting at the island with one herself.
"You should be sleeping." I say.
"Same for you." She states.
I pull a beer from the fridge, leaning on the counter across from her. Poor girl looks so beaten up and stressed out. She really needs to go to sleep.
"I've got a mob to run, I never sleep." I say.
"Mhm." She hums with a slight eye roll, not even having enough energy to give me one of her snappy comments like she normally does.
"Cmon." I say.
"Where we going?" She asks.
"Backyard. Watch the stars." I say.
We walk out onto the back deck, and plop our exhausted bodies onto the comfy swaying porch swing. Aurie rests her body back against the cushions, pulling her feet up. The way she forms herself into a little ball makes me smile.
"Haz.. do you ever wonder what life would be like if we were normal?" She asks me, as her gaze rests on the stars above our heads.
"Honestly.. no. I never knew normal so this is normal to me I guess." I shrug.
"What did you do.. you know, before all of this?" She asks.
I let my eyes fall to her, seeing her eyes are already on me, her brows scrunched together as she waits for my answer. Everything in me is saying to lie, to not let her know the darkness of who I really am, and the awful things I have done. Being a mob boss is one thing, but who I use to be.. I don't know who that was.
Something in me couldn't lie to her though. As I stared into her eyes I felt comfortable, and safe. Like I could tell her anything and she wouldn't think any less of me.
"My father was a killer.. he loved it. He was just the bad guy that killed worse guys, and I grew up with that. He had friends in high places, friends like your dad. Once I started getting introduced to these friends I met a man who trained me to be an assassin." I say. "I traveled to foreign countries, taking out people who did not deserve it.."
"How'd you realize that you didn't want to do that anymore?" She asks.
That's the one question I didn't want her to ask..
"I don't think I can answer that.." I shake my head.
She sits up, her hand placing onto my arm comfortingly.
"That bad?" She asks.
"It was terrible.." I say quietly.
"You know id never judge you." She says.
"I know." I nod.
We rest, continuing to watch the stars in complete silence. Its almost three in the morning, our sleep schedule is officially fucked and I won't expect to be back to normal for at least a few days.
I watch through the corner of my eye as Aurie slowly starts to fall asleep, her head sliding against the back of the swing until it hits my shoulder. I let out a small laugh, kicking off the ground slightly to make the swing sway a bit.
She's got the cutest little freckles on her nose, almost invisible unless you're up close like I am. She also has the sweetest little button nose, and long dark lashes. I realize I'm watching her sleep, and that's a little weird. So I shake my head, clearing the thoughts as I gaze up at the stars once more.
"Time for bed." I mutter to the sleeping girl next to me, wrapping my arms underneath her body and lifting her up to carry her in the house.
As I walk down the hallway to her room, her head presses into my chest, making the smell of her tea tree shampoo meet my senses.
I step into her room, and lay her down onto the bed. I pull the blankets up and push her hair back from her face. She starts to move around a little in her sleep, her eyes opening slightly.
"You fell asleep outside." I whisper.
"Oh." She yawns a little. "Goodnight, Haz."
"Goodnight." I say, leaving her room and shutting the door.