ETHEREAL

CHAPTER 19

"UGH, you take WAY too long at that MAC outlet store, Skye!"

I retort and guffaw, "We were only in there for fifteen minutes - at the most!"

"That's fifteen minutes too long," and I roll my eyes at that.

Justin exclaims, "Oooh, let's go into H&M!"

"You're like obsessed with H&M," I say as my words trail behind him.

"Whatever," Justin mutters as he fingers the racks of men's graphic tees, and texts random guys on his Tinder app, single-handed.

"Why are you still talking to those guys if you're going out with Jace? Are y'all not exclusive, or something?"

"I'm just friends with the guys on Tinder," Justin says defensively and pauses. "Look at this pic of this guy - for some reason, he sends me selfies of him on the toilet, pant less."

"Oh, that's so weird! And awkward."

Justin gets a sour look on his face, "Whatever, Skye."

Lately, it feels like no matter what I say, Justin hates it, like we don't really understand each other, or even get along without arguing about something minuscule and stupid. I feel like I shouldn't reply to him at all, sometimes.

After what feels like nearly two hours of Justin shopping in his favorite store, we run into Jace, surprisingly, who is walking out of the Calvin Klein store. "OMG, JACE!!" Justin races to give him a hug, and Jace smiles at him, but sneers at me. I don't know why Jace dislikes me, when I'm literally providing food, shelter, and everything for Justin, without complaint and without expecting to see any type of payback, plus I've never even had a solid conversation with him so he could get to know me, as he doesn't wish to speak to me at all, beyond a simple, forced greeting on his part rather than mine.

"So, I'm gonna leave with Jace, ok, Skye?"

"Ohh, um, okay. Let me know if you need a ride home tomorrow, or whatever."

"UGH, you hate me, Skye! You're so mad at me! You don't even care that we don't hang out, like we just got to the mall."

I start laughing. "Are you serious? I'm not mad - you never really get to see him..."

"I see him every weekend!!"

"Okay? So, are you going with him, or walking around with me?" Justin is incredibly confusing lately.

"I'm leaving, UGH, BYE!" And with that, Justin turns on his heel, and they both walk away from me.

Why does Justin consistently think the worst of me, and is that why Jace hates me?

I shake my head, and trudge back to my car, wishfully looking at couples walking hand-in-hand, smiling at each other, and it feels like a reminder of what Damien and I will never have.

I try not to stare at groups of friends laughing amongst themselves and try not to feel jealous of their seemingly easy ability to have others completely understand and get them.

The world often feels like a stranger to me.

I text Damien, "I'm not gonna force you to not do drugs & drink a ton of alcohol, because I want you to make that decision for yourself, but I wish that you wouldn't drag me into it/have it affect my life/put me and others in danger."

Damien: I'm not addicted to anything

Me: Do you have to smoke weed and drink to excess every single day?

Damien: you can't get addicted to weed. I do that because I want to

I roll my eyes.

Me: anything that you have to have every day is an addiction - even if like I want to drink koolaid every day and I feel like I can't survive without it, that's an addiction