Strangers to Us: Vol. 2

Chapter 4: Contemplation

Gulf stands in the bathroom allowing the shower to run down his hair, thinking about his feelings for Mew. He was despair  over the misunderstandings he and Mew had been having while trying to balance their relationship. Things were getting blurrier each day and he missed the good connection he used to have with Mew.

In his head, despite having to keep his relationship a secret, he was trying his best to be a better man. He was calling him, hanging out with him and simultaneously flirting whenever situation calls, but deep down he was aware that Mew was not satisfied with him. But there was so little he could do.

Everything seemed to be happening too fast.

"Gulf, it's almost ten. You've been in that shower forever". Mark called him out.

"I'm almost done. " He said turning off the shower and dried his body with the towel.

As he got out, he dressed himself up for the work, still wondering how to approach his man. Will he resort to silent treatment again? He feared.

Mew's silent treatment were cold and harsh. And he know the uncomfortable feeling he feels when Mew ignored him; hence, he was worried.

"Is everything alright? You've been pouting your head ever since you woke up" Mark pointed out as he put on his shoes, ready to hit the university.

"Nothing is right. I actually feel funny". Gulf blurted out sitting down on his bed. He had been thinking too much that he felt he was going mad. "It's weird how scared I am right now."

"What are you talking about? " Perplexed Mark

" My thoughts are consuming me, Mark. The funny thing is sex with Mew scares me." He looked up at his round headed best friend, who gave him a confusing look. "It's not like, I don't like it but I am scared because it makes me feel like I'm a teenager who is starting all over again." Gulf paused, frustrated, "And truth be told I never thought I'd date someone like him but then every time I am with him, I know there is something between us but I just can't seem to do anything right. "

He was tired. His mental exhaustion has reached its limit and now he just wants to give up. The pressure mounting on him suddenly felt too heavy.

He has realized, he just can't please anyone.

"Wait...are you having a nervous breakdown? What's going on? " Mark ask concerned.

"I don't know. I'm no longer thinking straight." Gulf ran his hand through his hair harshly, chuckling at the irony. Of course, he was no longer straight.

Mark looked at him intensely in silence for a moment and walked towards him.

"Hmm..Gulf, do you think you're just not trusting yourself enough? This doesn't sound like you." Mark sat on the bed beside him as Gulf fixed his eyes on the floor, "You know at the end of the day, you gotta trust your gut and your body. Maybe your thoughts are blurry right now and doesn't make sense but you've gotta be honest with him. Talk to him."

"But I don't even know what to tell him" Slowly, Gulf protested.

"Just tell him exactly how you feel. Weren't you always the honest one? As a matter of fact, you've always been the one who always used to vouch for conversation."

"Maybe I am not anymore"

"Well, you can start doing that now. You wouldn't want to regret for having had a good man and thrown him away. At this rate, I can't say you're doing the right thing" Mark's honest words affected him deeply. The thought of losing Mew haunted him. He cannot afford to lose him. Mew's happiness and sadness mattered to him and he could tell, he cared about his man.

"I'll get going. Go sort it out before it's too late. " Mark pat on his shoulder and exit the room.

Gulf stared at the empty ceiling, dazed and tired but still, in a better place than he had been some minutes ago. Mark really was the person, he could confide in.

*****

Although Mew repeatedly told himself that he was going to give Gulf the space he needed, here he was, once again, below Gulf's apartment, waiting to pick him up for work.

He was not sure, what made Gulf call him, earlier in the morning asking to pick him up. It was unlikely to be Gulf but it still made him happy.

He could tell, Gulf was going through so many changes and needs time to figure out his emotions. Yet, things were only getting harder for him each day. He never thought, being in a relationship would be such a struggle.

As he sat inside his car, lost in thought, he didn't notice Gulf running down from his apartment, until he heard a knock on his window glasses.

He looked out to see the younger man smiling innocently at him.

"Stop grinning and get in already". He said unlocking the door for Gulf.

"Grumpy, are we? " Gulf playfully answered as he occupied the passenger's seat and looked at him. "Mew, smile for me", teased the younger man.

"What's going on? Why are you acting so weird today? " ask Mew, trying not to display his happiness in seeing the new side of Gulf and not the insecure man he had been witnessing for some days.

"Nothing. I guess, I'm just happy to be here with you. And thank you for picking me up".

"Hmmm... " He then started the engine without giving much emphasis on the younger man's excited mood.

"Mew... I'm sorry about last night." said Gulf reluctantly but sincerely. The apology made his heart swell but he decided not to react but tried keeping a straight face. He didn't want to make it too easy.

"Mew... " Gulf called his name again. This time, he twirled his hands on his hair softly, "Mew... "

"Hmmm... "

"I'm sorry.  Allow me to make it up to you tonight...huh?" Gulf said in an indulging manner and went quiet.

Although Mew was exploding inside his heart and wished to engulf his man tightly, he persistently stayed calm. "And why should I do that? "

"Because I am cute. "

Upon hearing that, Mew burst out laughing. "You think? "

"Uh huh. I'm cute and sometimes, I can be good-looking too. You wouldn't want to lose me, just like I don't want to lose you. " light-heartedly Gulf replied, but there was sense of truth to it and Mew could feel it.

Mew rolled his eyes at him briefly not wishing to give in to Gulf's cuteness but the smirk on his face failed him to convince the younger man. "Look at you trying so hard not to smile when you're over excited deep down inside." Gulf remarked pressing one of his fingers on his man's cheeks, probably adoring the beauty of the man beside him.

"So, this is how you take advantage of me" Mew wittily replied.

"Oye, don't make me sound so evil. " Protested Gulf, "Alright, Alright... I'll tell you all about it tonight. Just give this poor soul a chance to make up to his boyfriend. " Gulf continued deliberately making the two of them chuckle softly as they joined the main street.

****

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