Ender's War

Chapter 26 - Preparations

Blonde locks spilled everywhere as Ender finally removed his helmet. Strands of hair cascaded down his forehead, and into his eyes. Ender desperately wanted to let the hair remain where it fell. It would prevent Bean from seeing his expression clearly. An advantage for Ender, but suspicious all the same.

Ender ran both hands along his scalp, collecting all the fallen tufts and repositioning them on-top of his head. He needed a haircut. Soldiers weren't ideally supposed to have long hair. But they'd taken so much from him already. He wasn't about to let anyone shave his head again. Not for a while at least.

The commander's lunch room was deserted just as Bean said it would be, and Ender made a point of sitting down in one of the first chairs he saw. It wasn't close to the door, but it wasn't too far into the room either. Bean followed suit and took the seat directly across from him.

Ender placed his helmet beside him on the table, the Dragon Army insignia reflecting back at him due to the luminescent lighting of the room. Bean had discarded his own at the barracks, as they'd passed his quarters on their way there. He hadn't changed out of his flash suit though, and the two of them were matching, just as they had during those years Bean had spent fighting with Ender in the last war. The only difference in their attire was the admiral insignia stitched into the breastplate of Ender's suit. It had been a new addition since Ender had arrived back at the BattleSchool. One he personally deemed unnecessary, but it was protocol and he was not going to be the one to break it. Not this time, and not yet anyway.

Ender sat silently. His breathing remained ragged from the overextension of his healing muscles, while his hands clutched his ribs on instinct. Even though he knew they wouldn't help keep them together if they had been re-injured in the battle room, it made the pain less intense, and that was good enough for right now.

Bean eyed his state wearily. "Are you sure I shouldn't just take you to the medical wing? We can talk later if you aren't up for it."

Ender expected Bean to say as much. But the last thing he wanted was for the young man to hover around him as the nurses gave him kuso for going into the battle room, despite having been given direct orders to refrain from any physical activity.

"I am sick of that place." Ender tried to make light of his painful situation. If he downplayed his pain, Bean would go along with it. "And if I go back now, they'll probably hold me against my will for another week. Then you'll never see me again." Bean chuckled slightly. Ender wanted to join in for effect, but knew his attempt would only come out as a cough. It would not be the best thing to do to convince Bean that he was alright.

When Ender remained silent, the younger soldier focused his gaze on Ender's arms, those of which were still locked against his ribcage in a protective hug. Ender knew that he needed to drop them if he wanted Bean to believe him. So he did.

The wave of pain was immediate. Ender's chest began burning, his ribcage felt as if it was on fire, and his eyes began to water. But he couldn't let Bean see his weakness. Not after he'd been limping around the battle school for what felt like forever. If he kept up the injured front for much longer, the soldiers would begin to doubt his capabilities as commander. They needed Ender at full health in order to lead the mission, and even though he was the best war commander in the world, he wouldn't be considered as such if he weren't at full health.

So instead, Ender clasped his hands together and set them on the table in front of him, waiting for Bean to say what he wanted.

"That's where you've been then? I thought you were released a while ago, weren't you?"

Ender contemplated telling Bean the truth. That he had been keeping to himself because of Petra. He wasn't completely stone cold when it came to lying to his soldiers' faces, but telling the truth wouldn't give the I.F. what it needed to succeed. Personal problems always took a back seat, and Bean would understand that in the end.