The Girl He Had To Marry- An Arranged Marriage Story

Chapter Thirty-Four: Deciding II

Penny was standing in front of her large, gold trimmed mirror, in the corner of her room. It once was pristine, constantly clear glass. Now, once relieving her anger over her father, a large crack spread from the bottom right corner up to the upper middle, where her distorted face lands. 

She wasn't thinking about what she was saying. She didn't mean to get that livid, confess one of her deepest secrets, and break one of the only things she has of her mothers. She doesn't have anymore tears left, but she drops to her knees in pure shock, staring at the mirror in horror. 

She hears banging at the door. 

Quentin. 

"Go away!" She tells him. 

"Come on, just let me in!" He tells her. She can not hear his pity right now, just as she couldn't hear one talking of how great her talents were early. 

"GO AWAY!" She screams at him. It was one of the loudest she ever yelled. She would scream on stage from time to time, but this was real. These were her emotions, not a characters on stage. 

"I can not leave you alone right now," he tells her in a calm, stable voice. "I will not go inside your room" Even though he had a key. "But, I am staying here, right outside."

She didn't reply. She was just tired of human connection right now. 

"You know what, I do love you." Quentin told her. This got her attention. "Not in a romantic way" Not yet at least, he thought to himself, but he couldn't tell her that. he was afraid it might scare her. He doesn't want to somehow force her feelings for him. "But I love you. I care about you and your wellbeing. I want you to be happy. I am sitting outside your floor, when I could just leave. I could get a key and open this door, but I am not because I respect you. What I did to you when we met is one of the biggest mistakes in my life, and I have a lot of them. There is nothing that can express how sorry I am, but I love you."

Quentin doesn't want to address the secret she unwillingly yelled out. It explain a lot about what happened at Thanksgiving and actions that have happened while living with him. She is a survivor of child abuse, physical and emotional. He wouldn't wish that upon his worst enemy. 

Penny was wrong, tears could still form at the edges of her eyes. They were a different kind. She wasn't happy from him saying how he loves me, but she wasn't sad either. She moved away from the mirror and back to the door. 

He heard another gentle thud as her head leaned against the door. 

"I might turn down the role because I don't deserve it. I am not talented enough for the role. I can't handle something that big," she confessed. He knew that she didn't just turn it down for no reason. He knew that she didn't believe in herself. 

He has gone through it himself. 

"So, I already told you I have ADHD, however, I didn't tell you the reason why I don't take medication for it. I wasn't the most liked person in high school. I had one friend and that was Logan. I didn't really care. That was until a guy from the football came to me. He was like the 'it' kid. Smart and a three-season athlete, something everyone wanted to be. He came to me and told me he would buy my Adderall from me. Everyone knew I had ADHD, it's pretty hard to hide. So, I did. He gave me twenty bucks for my pill. Soon, I was selling Adderall to almost everyone in the school and I was making so much money and so many people liked me. Until I was caught in the middle of my senior year. It became a huge scandal for my family. There son pushed drugs in high school. Thankfully, because my parent were rich, I was able to stay home and finish high school. However, I was on probation and taken off my medication. That didn't matter to much, because I barely took it once I began selling.

"In college, I barely focused and partied all the time. My family lost hope in me and just let me be. It wasn't until I was in a serious accident while driving reckless that I got my act together. Thankfully, I was alone, in the car and on the street. The thought of killing someone because of my selfish attitude changed me. I became serious in my business studies, so I could take over after my dad. Still, no one believe me. I saw a therapist to help me, still no one had hope in me. There were so many times that I wanted stay in bed, say 'fuck this' and just fail everything because that I what I thought everyone else wanted me to do. I thought that it would be easier to become what people wanted me to be, and it was. However, I didn't want to be that. So, I worked hard and my family started to see my potential. My father finally started to believe in my again. 

"Not to sound like I had it worse, but I had no one believing in me, but I still overcame it all. You have everyone believing in you, except yourself. You need to trust other and there decision to cast you. You need to trust yourself and your abilities. I know you don't want to lay in bed and waste away for the rest of your life, but right now, you aren't doing much to change it. You have a chance to do something you love and you have everyone supporting you. You just have to believe in yourself."

Quentin sat in silence after his speech, not expecting her to respond, just expecting her to think. He started to get off the floor, leaving her alone. 

"Thank you," he heard from the other side of the door. He rest his hand against it, sending a silent message, before going back to his room from the rest of the day. 

Penny, still by the door, was deep in thought. Everything Quentin said about her was right. She doesn't want her depression and past trauma to define her, to take over her life. It may seem hard, but she needs to overcome everything, one of the hardest being her insecurities. 

She needs to trust the people involved in the musical, because they choose her for a reason. it was just a fluke. They had time to think about it, and they want her and nobody else. She has to accept that. 

Her first step was calling a number on a business card and telling the woman on the other side, "I am ready to sign the contract, I'll come by tomorrow. I am really excited to be working with you all!"