harry potter scenarios

pining!remus x artist!sirius - why him?

Remus loves Sirius Black.
He loves everything about that man.
The way he sticks his tongue out as he concentrates on getting the hands on the painting just right. The way he sometimes chews on the ends of his paintbrushes when he needs something to fiddle with. The way he uses his extra paintbrushes to tie up his hair in loose buns and then panics when he forgets where he put them. The way he sometimes almost drinks his cup of dirty water for cleaning the brushes, mistaking it for his hot chocolate. The way he stays up during the night, too concentrated on finishing his artwork to hear any complaints coming from his partner telling him to get some sleep.
Oh yes. There's one thing Remus doesn't particularly like about Sirius Black. His other half.
Not to say that Sirius' partner Charlie was bad in any way - that's just what Remus absolutely hated about them. There were no faults, nothing he could pick them up on. They were just perfect.
Charlie was popular, mainly because of how overwhelmingly attractive they were. Not only that, but they had an addictive personality. One so kind, so genuine towards everyone, it was difficult to get away from. Remus couldn't stand it.
He couldn't stand the way that Charlie would smile so happily at him when he obviously wasn't giving the same level of energy back. Remus despised the way they talked, never having an ounce of hatred even towards some of the worse people. Remus felt disgusted when they talked especially about Sirius; for example how proud they were of him and his accomplishments, how much they love him, how much they care.
Granted, hearing these things come from Charlie's mouth made Remus feel sick to his very stomach. However, there was only one thing that makes Remus feel even worse.
Himself.
Remus hates himself. He hates everything about what he sees in the mirror and what he knows is inside. He absolutely despises the part of him that just can't let go.
He knows Sirius doesn't feel the same way about him. He knows Sirius is madly in love with Charlie, and Charlie with him.
Remus is acutely aware of the jealousy that bubbles inside him, dangerously edging close to the surface. He knows how toxic this envy towards Charlie is, but he can't do anything about it. He can't control it.
He is forced to sit there and watch from the sidelines as his feelings grow more and more apparent every single day. Every day his pure hatred towards Charlie grows, even though he knows how good Charlie is for Sirius. They give him space when he needs it, they give him so much love, they give him attention, they make Sirius' attitude skyrocket whenever he sees them walk through the door.

Remus knows he could never do the same. He could never spark the same fire inside Sirius that Charlie fuels.

That's what he hates the most. The fact that he could never be what Charlie is.