Heal Me (Akito Sohma Love Story)

Knowing

You left Hatori's office satisfied and smiled at O-Ren as you walked into Akito's home. His door was closed, and you didn't even think to knock after the afternoon you'd spent together. You opened the door to see Akito sticking a medical needle into his upper arm, sweater dropped just enough to allow.

"Akito Jesus, what are you doing?"

You rushed to him, concerned about what sort of drugs he was injecting into himself. But Akito continued the shot and looked you in the eyes, strong and determined. He removed the needle from his arm and you watched him dispose of it by throwing the sharp head into the dead garden.

"What I have to..." He said simply, staring out at the brown grass. "Does it repulse you, (Y/n)?"

You stepped over to his side, but he couldn't meet your eyes anymore. You hoped that last, long stare wasn't the last time you'd get to see his gloomy eyes. "No." You said, and laid a hesitant hand on his right shoulder. "It worries me. Akito what was in that needle?"

He released a laugh, which turned to a disappointed scoff when he turned his shoulder away. "You really didn't notice then.. last night? Or ever?.. I'm in love with a blind woman." He made slow steps back to his table. You watched him, pondered his words, and eagerly awaited your next clue as to what the hell he was talking about. Akito's hands pulled his back-up sweater up over his head and then released it to the floor. Your eyes followed the clothing, suddenly frightened. Akito was being cryptic and you thought you'd moved past it. Thought he'd grown out of teasing you, playing mind games. It's not a game, you realized when he still stood there. Your eyes scanned over his face, as his scowl morphed with uncertainty. Next was his neck and shoulders, smooth and delicate as you remembered them, his entire torso bathed in the yellow light of the setting sun. Night already? The days are getting shorter.

Then your eyes focused on his chest, and you saw them. Two fleshy brown scars beneath his weak pecs. Akito's arms tensed and you focused again on the irritation the needle had left. You knew now what he had meant. Blind. You approached the boy, slowly like a scared animal (though you weren't entirely sure who was more nervous). You glanced up at his eyes and your hand raised, as if to silently ask permission, but all speech was gone from you in that moment. When Akito made no move, your fingertips made contact with one of his scars.

"No it doesn't repulse me." You whispered, shaking your head.  "I just never knew.." you said, tracing the raised flesh with your fingers.

You felt Akito's body shiver against your touch. "Maybe it should disgust you. Maybe you haven't thought any of this through-any of this... I don't have a woman's body, I don't have a man's body, God's are meant to be perfect and I'm not!" His face grew red as his blood boiled. "I was a man-A god- born into a girls body. I can never give you children-even if I wanted to- and you'll never be with a real man. A scared little boy, like everyone says, like you say, is all I'll ever be."

You pulled your hand back and ripped your sweater off, surely messing up the beautiful hairstyle Ayame had gifted you. You threw the sweater beside him and sighed, looking down and yourself. "I want to be with you, Akito. In every way. I want to see you, feel you, know you." You watched with relief as the redness in his face melted away. "You tell me your story, fill in the blanks, and I'll tell you mine."

He looked at you with a sort of pessimistic curiosity. You bounced on your heels and sighed looking down at the two sweaters beside you. "I want to hear you history, even the dark parts. It made you who you are, and I happen to be in love with who you are." His eyes softened, finally, and they slowly looked down your body.

"I don't know what to say."

"Then I'll go."

The room was darkening and you sat him at the table, stalking off to get a lamp. You returned with your arms full of candles and small lamps, and Akito covered his  mouth with his hand to muffle his snicker. You smiled back at him and began to turn the lights on, letting him set fire to the wicks of each large candle. Finally, when the room was illuminated in shades of orange and flickering yellow, you sat across from him. You pulled your socks down and off and chuckled embarrassedly as you tossed them to the side. "Here it goes." You took a breath, assuring yourself that this was the right thing to do.