Silent || Kagehina

E l e v e n

Oikawa's POV

I stared at Shouyou in shock. He broke into a coughing fit and I reached into my sweatshirt, pulling out a bottle of water. He chugged it down rather quickly.

I realized he was physically hurting himself when saying this. I didn't stop him, as horrible as that sounds, because I genuinely want to know what's so important to the point where he's hurting himself to say it. I eye him with curiosity, holding his shoulders to keep his balance stable.

He lets out a small sigh and signs, "I can't talk. It hurts too much— you know, being mute and being beat up. Haha."

I shook my head, letting him know that was a terrible joke. He sighs again and signs, "Just please listen, this means a lot to me."

I stay quiet and sign in reply, "Go on ahead, Chibi-chan."

I notice his face turn red and he looks down in silence. He signs something that joyfully surprises me beyond belief. He signs,

"I love you, Tooru."

Since I'm standing next to him, I say, "Shouyou.."

To be honest, I was unsure of how to respond. I was flattered, but now that I think about it some more, he was bound to fall head over heels for me. But.. I'm not what he needs.

I want him, he wants me. The difference between those who need someone and those who want someone is the word I like to call desire. Sure, someone can desire to want or need, but a need is something one can't live without. I'm not a need, I say this with a heavy heart because—

I do love Shouyou back, but he only wants me. I don't throw everything aside as often as Tobio has. He needs someone else and I already know who that "someone else" is.

Again, I say this with a heavy heart because.. he needs Tobio-chan and Tobio-chan needs him. Why hasn't Tobio come to his rescue? Have they barely even progressed?

Wait—

I'm a complete idiot! I think to myself, staring at Shouyou, my emotions still displaying me being happily in disbelief. Tobio is scared to progress because Chibi-chan is making advances towards me! Why haven't I realized that sooner?

I look at the middle blocker hesitantly and sign, "I'm sorry, but I can't reciprocate those feelings."

I watch him freeze and it feels like a bullet piercing my chest. I see those ambitious amber eyes of his drain determination, filtering it through with glittering tears streaming down his face.

He signs in reply, "I understand."

He lets his arms drop to the sides of his body. He stares at the ground, I watch him process my answer, and I feel awful watching him do so.

I couldn't watch this anymore.

Tears begin to trickle down my face, one by one, and the next thing I know, I subconsciously hug the shorter boy. I embrace him tightly in my arms, the both of us sobbing. He looks up at me and I can tell there's confusion in his eyes.

I wish I could tell him.

I wish I could have him.

"I'M SORRY!" I scream without a care in the world. I hear my sobs becoming louder and realize that Shouyou could probably hear them as well. At this point, I didn't give a damn.

I love him so much, I want to hold him in my arms forever, but I want him to find what he truly needs. What he needs is Tobio-chan.

I feel another bullet pierce through my heart and I physically wince this time around. Shouyou tries to comfort me, but I drop to my knees. To my surprise, he drops to his knees with me.

We pull away and he signs to me, "It's okay if you hate me after this. I'm sorry, too."

I frown and sign in reply, "What do you mean? I'm the one at fau—"

My sentence was interrupted by a peck on the cheek from Shouyou. I resist turning red, controlling my feelings much more easily than he could ever control his. Deep down, I wanted him to kiss me on the lips, but I knew it was wrong.

Our tears both stopped running down our cheeks and some weird feeling washed over me. It was like a relief, but at the same time, I knew I was still going to be in love with him no matter the circumstances.

I just needed to hide it.

I sign, "Sho, it's nothing personal. I'll still be there for whenever you need me, but you need someone else."

It was his turn to frown and he signed back, "What do you mean?"

"You'll see." I sign, ending our conversation. I feel something tickle my nose upon saying that, looking up to see that delicate, intricate snowflakes were falling from the sky.

This is a sign, I thought, internally smiling, despite the deep emotional pain I currently feel. This is a sign to move on and for Shouyou to finally be happy with Tobio—

for them to both be happy.