Lost on You [Lewis Capaldi]

Chapter 34 - coming clean

Lewis stiffened, his brow furrowing. "What do you mean?"

"When were you going to tell me?" she demanded, looking up and desperately searching his eyes for answers.

Realisation suddenly passed across his face. "Keira," he blurted in panic. "Keira, I promise I was going to tell you soon. I just-"

"I can't believe I had to find out from someone else that you're going away on tour next week," she said, her lips quivering as she slowly grew more frustrated. "Next week, Lewis! Do you not realise how soon that is? Did you not think I needed to know?"

He raked his fingers through his hair, looking around the room as he tried to find the right words to explain himself. Finally he paused, staring at her for a moment before steadying his breaths and cautiously sitting down beside her on the couch.

He reached to take her hand and she hesitated, shifting away. But as she met his eye, she realised he looked just as broken as her, and for that reason, she let him hold it.

Lewis drew in a long breath before beginning to speak.

"I was going to tell you," he said quietly, staring at their joined hands. "I wanted to tell you . . . But we were so happy the other weekend, everything was perfect. And I didn't want to ruin it. I wanted to hold onto it for as long as I could-"

His voice broke and he shook his head before continuing. "I knew that if I told you, it would all get real. I wouldn't be able to pretend any more that nothing was wrong, that we wouldn't have to face this . . . that I wasn't leaving. So I kept it from you. Shit, Keira I'm so sorry."

She blinked, trying to take everything in, trying to understand.

"How long will you be gone?" she whispered, her eyes beginning to sting with tears.

He stalled, gently smoothing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. "Three months," he admitted.

Keira sucked in a sharp breath and he looked up at her. "Three months is a long time," was all she said.

"I know," he mumbled, letting go of her and cradling his head in his hands. "Keira, you don't deserve this, I- I'm so sorry."

She was still so angry. Everything within her was telling her not to feel sympathy. But . . . but her heart hurt. Something painful twisted in her chest as she watched him. Gently she reached over, stroking her fingers against his arm.

"Lewis," she said softly, "You could be gone for the whole year and I would still wait for you."

He shook his head, still not looking at her.

"We'll be okay," she soothed, squeezing his arm lightly.

"Yeah?" he said weakly, finally turning his head towards her.

"Yeah, but don't think I'm not still mad at you for keeping this from me," she said, pursing her lips before drawing her hand back and crossing her arms.

"You deserve to be as mad at me as you want," he replied. "I'm an arsehole."

Keira raised a brow. "True, you are a complete arsehole. However, I don't want to spend our last week together being angry."

"Neither do I," he said, the corners of his mouth lifting upwards. It was the slightest of movements, but it was enough to loosen the tight knot in her chest.

Hesitantly, he reached out, easing her arms away from where they were wrapped around herself. Keira still debated whether she should let him off so easily. After all, she still felt hurt about him not telling her sooner. But despite it all, she couldn't stifle her laugh as he threaded his fingers through hers and softly brushed his lips against their joined hands.