Blades of Despair

-Chapter Thirty-Six-

Ebbs and Flows

The next afternoon, I was walking through the first-floor corridor. Miyagawa had told me at breakfast to meet him outside the entrance to the pool at three o'clock. I had been a little hesitant at first, but then I ashamedly remembered Miyagawa's physique and how he had looked in just his swimming shorts during the pool party, and I quickly agreed to his request. It was now the scheduled meeting time, and I was debating whether I should make an excuse to not spend time with him. Calm down, Ori, I scolded myself, there's no guarantee that Miyagawa even wants to go swimming. He could just want to chat; that's what friends do after all. Nonetheless, I had brought my bathing suit and some towels with me in a blue duffel bag in the event that we made use of the school's facilities. When I turned the corner, Miyagawa was already waiting outside the entrance, a rucksack slung over his shoulder. When he heard my footsteps, he turned to me and smiled widely.

"Ori! You're here!"

"You almost sound surprised," I said. Miyagawa scratched the back of his head.

"I thought you might not come after all," he admitted, "I thought you would worry about what the others might think of us swimming together."

"There's nothing unusual about that," I reassured him, despite worrying internally about what the others might think of us swimming together. Miyagawa's perfect teeth seemed to brighten even more.

"I'm glad you think so! Shall we get changed and meet at the poolside in-" he looked at his watch, "ten minutes?" I agreed and we each headed into our respective changing room. I put down my bag, took out my navy grey swimsuit and laid it on a nearby bench. I began to remove my clothes and fold them neatly, placing them next to the bathing suit. As I undressed, a nearby mirror caught my eye and I moved towards it, taking in the appearance of my body in its reflection. Even your physique is ordinary, I heard a voice sneer at me. You don't have a body even close to someone like Ouji. Do you really think someone as extraordinary as Miyagawa would ever have feelings for someone as boring as you? I felt my eyes sting with the threat of fresh tears, and I hurriedly wiped my eyes. It doesn't matter what Miyagawa thinks about me, I told myself, my body is fine. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine...

"It's fine, it's fine, it's fine," I whispered to myself, my breath slightly heavier than it had been before I undressed. I shut my eyes, walked away from the mirror and put on my bathing suit. That's odd, I thought, it hasn't always been this loose. I fingered the gap between the fabric and my thigh and frowned.

"Great, now he's going to think my body is the wrong shape for this bathing suit," I muttered agitatedly. I sighed in frustration; I didn't have enough time to change back, and I had made a promise to Miyagawa. Steeling myself for the worst, I went to the pool, taking care not to look in the mirror as I passed by.

---

"Wow." That was all Miyagawa said when he saw me approach. Blushing furiously, I tried my hardest to stare only at his face as I strolled along the pool's edge.

"That's all you have to say?" I joked, my hands subconsciously resting to where the folds in the fabric were so that he wouldn't see how poorly the costume fit me.

"You look great! I think that colour really suits you, Ori," he beamed at me, causing my face to get hotter.

"Um, thank you. You, uh, look nice too," I said quickly. How can he look nice? He's only wearing shorts! Don't look down, Ori, I kept telling myself, fearful that if I looked at his body, I wouldn't be able to peel my eyes away.

"Shall we get to it?" Miyagawa asked awkwardly. "I brought some snacks if you get hungry. I had to sneak past Iowa to get them, and you know how she can be."