the half of it

chapter two

the waiting room was graysons least favourite place, people sobbing quietly while waiting for the doctors to come out and give updates on their dying loved ones.

the stares were his least favourite part however, the children who stared blatantly and pointed while their parents snuck glances.

aaron saw how uncomfortable his brother was, practically folded into himself as he dropped his head into his hands and tried not to have a panic attack.

grayson used to have panic attacks about 10 times a day, whether it was other people or his own brain that caused them they always left him sobbing and gasping for air.

"grayson roth?" the young receptionist with blonde hair in a tight high ponytail called out graysons name but he didn't respond, too caught up in his own world.

"they're calling you" aaron nudged his brother and grayson snapped out of it, his eyes rimmed red with heavy eye bags dragging them down from days without sleeping.

"can you uh - " grayson looked to his brother with a desperate look in his eyes, wanting him to come into the room with him but not wanting to ask.

"yep" aaron stood up and pushed his brother forward as grayson pushed his damp hair back out of his eyes, turning paler by the second.

they followed the nurse through a long hallway and into an exam room where a doctor was waiting for them with a clipboard.

"good to see you grayson, and you aaron" the doctor smiled as he helped grayson get up onto the exam table, he had been their doctor since the start and had seen grayson through the very worst of it.

"so six month check up, last one for a while if everything goes smoothly" the doctor said as he pulled his stethoscope out of his pocket.

"sweater grayson" the doctor said as he stepped in front of grayson, aaron knew the drill and turned to face the wall.

aaron knew it was bad, he had seen it once before four months ago when grayson fell in the shower and his mom wasn't home to help.

it made him cry at first seeing grayson on the ground crying, covered in scars while shaking in fear and exhaustion.

grayson pulled off his sweater, careful not to catch his colostomy bag as he puts the sweater aside and helps the doctor strap him out of the bucket.

"okay, lets get on the scale" the doctor helps grayson up onto a silver scale, watching carefully to see if the number is above 100.

"fuck" grayson muttered as the scale settles on the number 68, his lowest weight ever.

"what?" aaron couldn't help it, he turned around and gasped when he saw grayson, his ribs were all completley visible and his collarbones protruded.

"aaron!" grayson shouted at his brother, so ashamed as he stood there completely vulnerable.

"you don't get to be mad at me, not like this" aaron walked over to his brother, shaking like a leaf as he struggled to hold himself up.

"shit, i'm sorry" grayson frantically looked back and forth between his doctor and aaron, who shared a concerned look.

"please, i'll try harder" grayson pleaded, knowing what was going to happen next but dreading it.

"you're going to have to complete a program, here in the hospital" the doctor typed something in on the computer, aaron's face still a look of disbelief.

"please don't, i'll do better i swear" grayson pleaded again, his senses slowly falling away with his tears as he slipped into another panic attack.

all he could hear was the sound of the train, the crunch of his bones as he got sucked underneath. his friends screaming as he tasted blood in his mouth, all he could see was darkness.

the sound faded away, the darkness retreating to reveal the bright fluorescent lights of a hospital. he turned his head to see aaron sitting in a chair beside him, head resting against his hand.

"you're safe now" aaron stood up quickly, kneeling beside his brothers bed and gripping his hand tightly.

grayson looked at his brother, red rimmed eyes full of tears. constant worry and furrowed his brow and clouded his formerly bright eyes.

"i'm okay, it's okay" grayson wasn't okay, not in the slightest bit but looking at his brother he knew he needed to lie.

"you mean you'll stay, do the program?" aaron smiled with hope, the first time grayson had seen it in months.

"yes, i'll come home in two weeks and i'll be better" grayson tried to fool himself, slapping on a smile as tried to lift his head.

aaron noticed his brother struggling, lifted his head and placed another pillow.

"how do you always know what i'm thinking?" grayson teased his brother, a small laugh exiting his lips.

"i don't know shit about you" aaron signed as he leaned back into the chair, crossing one of his legs over the other.

"i'm sorry, i'm not grayson anymore" grayson's guilt wrapped around him again, squeezing him tightly.

"you are grayson, we just have to find him" aaron said as a nurse came into the room, equipped with a tray full of food.

the nurse placed the tray in front of him on a swing out table. it had a turkey sandwich, carrots, ranch, a brownie and a juicebox.

grayson looked to his brother, knowing he couldn't do it by himself. asking for help painted him, he couldn't help but feel like a huge burden.

aaron placed one hand on graysons lower back and the other on his head, sitting him up on perfectly arranged pillows that made it impossible for him to fall.

grayson lifted his arm and grabbed a carrot stick, dipping it in the ranch shakily and bringing it to his mouth.

aaron took one look at the place and knew that he could arrange it better, make it easier for grayson to eat but he didn't know if that was overstepping.

he looked to grayson, who gave him a nod of permission. grayson felt helpless as he watched his brother move his food around, although it would definitely be easier he wished he could just eat by himself.

aaron took the juicebox and poured it into a cup, cylinders were found to be a much easier shape to grip and straws were a mess.

"thank you" grayson said to aaron, a forced smile on his face to hide the terrible feeling brewing inside.

it took him 45 minutes to eat his lunch, aaron had to help once when he knocked over the cup but other than that grayson did it independently.

"you should go, mom and dad are probably waiting for you to show up at dinner" grayson said as aaron helped him lie back down and stuck his phone into his hand.

"i'll see you tomorrow" aaron nodded and walked out the door, watching as his brother pulled the covers over his head.