the half of it

chapter ten

"grayson, are you ready?" aaron's voice snapped grayson out of his daydream, he turned his wheelchair around and gave a cheesy smile.

"can't wait to get out of here" grayson said as he went into the hallway, cameron following closely behind him while aaron led the way.

"really? i thought you loved it here" cameron teased, ruffling graysons hair as they got onto the elevator.

"fuck off" grayson laughed, slapping cameron's hand away.

"buddy sure misses you, she's been sleeping in your bed" aaron said as they got off the elevator and walked out to the parking lot.

"she's probably missing the copious amount of treats that gray used to give her" cameron took over pushing the wheelchair after a slight nod for aaron clued him in.

"you guys have been starving her" grayson joked, his demeanour was light but his brow was furrowed in pain.

aaron opened the trunk and put graysons suitcase inside as cameron helped him get into the car. they folded up his wheelchair and added it to the trunk, finally settled in to drive out of the parking lot.

they went through the drive-thru at wendy's, aaron forced grayson to get a cheesburger and a coke.

"you got it?" aaron asked as he handed grayson the drink, grayson was struggling to get a grip on it as his fingers refused to wrap around the cup.

"sorry, just hold on" grayson muttered as aaron handed the drink to cameron so he could keep driving.

"all good, take your time" cameron turned around to check if grayson was doing okay, his head was in his hands as he muttered underneath his breath.

five minutes later they got to their house, the lights were all off and the light blue house was completely silent.

cameron helped grayson out of the car while aaron brought the food and suitcase inside, bringing the suitcase into graysons room and leaving it on his bed so grayson could unpack it himself later.

aaron unwrapped the cheeseburger and placed it on the coffee table in the living room, pouring out some of the drink so it would be easier to lift.

buddy ran down the stairs, going straight to grayson and jumping up on his wheelchair while giving him wet kisses on the nose.

"hey girl" grayson smiled, petting buddy until she rolled over on her back.

"tv?" aaron asked, trying to direct the party into the living room without making it seem obvious.

"i'm down" cameron laughed and jumped over the back of the couch, sitting in his usual spot while surfing through the channels.

aaron sat down in one of the adjacent chairs and grayson sat down on the other side of the couch, giving aaron an appreciative nod when he saw the food waiting for him.

aaron couldn't help but notice his brother was silent, not laughing at any of the jokes or making comments like he usually did.

grayson couldn't hear the tv, it sounded more like a hum in the back of his brain as he battled all the other sounds trying to break through.

"fuck" grayson muttered as he got into his wheelchair, without saying a word he exited the living room and headed to his bedroom.

the suitcase was sitting in his bed, grayson rolled up beside it and went for the zipper. he couldn't get his fingers to pinch, didn't have the muscle control to open his fucking suitcase.

"fuck!" grayson shouted a little too loud, shoving the suitcase on the floor and climbing into bed.

grayson pulled his hoodie off and he fumbled with the harness for the bucket, too many small clasps that his hands couldn't do.

"hey gray" cameron knocked on the door and sat down beside grayson, picking his suitcase up off the floor and leaning over to undo the clasps.

cameron had his hand on graysons back to keep him from falling over, his hand went up and down rapidly to the rhythm of graysons breathing.

"aaron!" cameron calmed out, he didn't know how to handle a panic attack by himself, he was scared out of his mind as watched his brothers face turn in anguish from a pain that only he could feel.

aaron came running up the stairs, scooping grayson up in his arms and giving him a tight hug.

"it's okay, you're home. you're with cameron and i, you're safe" aaron repeated until graysons breathing got a little slower.

"okay breathe with me, in and out" aaron did deep breaths for about two minutes until grayson started to join in.

when grayson joined in aaron put him back down on the bed, leaning him against the bed frame and handing him a pillow to squeeze in his arms.

cameron felt guilty just looking at him, the tears streaming down in face and landing on his bare chest covered in scars.

"leave, please go" grayson sobbed, air caught in his throat and causing his voice to come out raspy, full of pain.

aaron and cameron obeyed, shutting the door and heading back into the living room. aaron clutched the baby minister in his hand, the other one was hidden underneath graysons bed.

aaron pulled out his laptop and to the sounds of grayson crying he googled therapists, someone that could actually help his brother.

after about twenty minutes of searching he found a lady named dr. miller, who specialized in panic attacks related to PTSD.

he shot her a quick email and while we he waited for her to respond he googled what he could do that could stop the panic attacks before they got really bad.

his hope was quickly shot down when he realized there was practically nothing he could do to prevent a panic attack, only grayson knew when it was about to happen.

dr. miller emailed back saying that she could meet him at 10:00 on wednesday, two days from now.

"i got grayson an appointment with a psychiatrist, it's 10:00 on wednesday can you drive him?" aaron asked cameron, who was rearranging the furniture in the living room.

"yeah, write down the address" cameron replied, mentally screaming at himself for not thinking of that first. he was the oldest, he was supposed to take care of his younger brothers.