Not a Love Story

Thirty-Six // Tell Him

Benjamin Jones

I woke up to sunlight streaming in my eyes. I heard my parents' quiet whispers outside of my door. Memories of last night suddenly flashed in front of me, causing a wave of sadness to wash over me. I wrapped my blanket tighter and tighter around myself as I stared at the wall, hoping it was maybe all a dream.

"Benny?" my mom whispered, opening my door a sliver. I looked over at her. "Good morning, sweetie. Don't forget you have a workout at 1:30." she said, smiling softly at me. I stretched my neck to read the clock, seeing I had a little less than two hours until I had to leave.

I sat up and put my head in my hands, sighing. My body was plagued with exhaustion, my limbs feeling heavy. I felt my bed dip next to me, signaling my mom sat down next to me. She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. I rubbed my hands over my face before looking at her. She smiled at me again, understanding in her eyes.

"It'll be okay, Benny. You just need to talk to him." she consoled. I nodded and dropped my eyes to the floor. She squeezed my shoulder and stood up. "Why don't you come get some breakfast? Your father made coffee cake." she bribed. I offered her a weak smile and nodded as I stood up and followed her downstairs to the kitchen.

I sat at the island and ate the warm coffee cake, my dad setting a cup of black coffee in front of me. I thanked him and took a sip, hoping it would wake me up enough to get through the team workout. My parents read the paper as I finished eating, glancing at one another with knowing looks. I put my dishes in the sink before heading upstairs to get ready.

I put my hands on the counter, staring into the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy, dark bags under my eyes accentuating the redness. My hair was tousled and matted, no doubt from the silent tears I had shed as I fell asleep. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair as I turned the sink on, splashing water onto my face and through my hair in an attempt to tame it.

I quickly brushed my teeth and changed into workout clothes before I grabbed my bag and jogged downstairs. I filled up my water bottle, said goodbye to my parents, and got into my car. I kept the windows up and the radio off, too consumed by my own thoughts to even reach over and turn the radio on.

I pulled into the parking lot a few minutes early. I turned the car off and rested my head on the head rest, closing my eyes and taking a breath.

"Yo, Jones! Let's go, dude!" I heard Josh call from the sidewalk. I opened my eyes and waved at him, grabbing my things and heading inside. As I entered the gym, Cal looked over at me, his eyebrows furrowed.

"You okay, Ben?" he asked, concern evident in his facial expression. I mustered a weak smile and nodded.

"Yeah. Just tired is all." I said. Cal nodded, concern still on his face.

"Alright, boys! Let's get started!" Matt, our trainer, greeted. "Since Friday's game went so well, I'll try to take it easy on you guys." he continued. A few guys whooped and laughed. I felt a twinge in my chest at the mention of Friday. Matt turned the music up, and started giving us directions.

I threw myself into the workout, hoping to distract myself for even just a few hours. I saw Henry giving me a strange look out of the corner of my eye as we waited next to one another to start a circuit. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye, too afraid of what he'd say, or worse, what I'd say.

When the workout finally ended, Matt told us to keep up the good work before releasing us. We all headed out the door.

"Jones, wait up." Matt called, making me turn around.

"You have home visits this week, right?" he asked. I nodded. "If you need someone to vouch for you let me know." he said seriously.

"Thanks, Matt. I really appreciate it." I replied, offering him a smile.

"Of course. You're a hard worker and a great leader, Ben. You're going to go far." he patted my shoulder. "I'll see you next week. Good luck." he said.

"Thanks." I repeated, turning around and heading outside.

"Hey, Jones! We're gonna go down to Cherry's for lunch. You wanna come?" Josh asked as I pushed the door open and stepped outside. I faked a smile and shook my head.

"Sorry, I can't." I replied.

"Aw, c'mon, Jones." Zach, a junior, said.

"I have something I have to do. Sorry guys, next time." I said. I waved them goodbye and headed to my car. I got into the car and put the keys into the ignition, feeling someone looking at me. I looked at the car next to me to see Henry looking over at me again, the same strange look as earlier on his face.

I quickly dropped my eyes out of embarrassment. What if he knew? What if Oliver told him what happened?

I felt anxiety swell inside me as I started the car and hurried home. I ran up to my room to shower and change. I quickly pulled on jeans and threw on a sweatshirt, after showering. I ran a hand through my damp hair and took a deep breath.

"You just need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel." I said, looking at my reflection in the mirror before taking a deep breath, butterflies creeping into my stomach. I took another breath before turning around and hurrying down the stairs. I mustered a smile and nodded towards them, a silent understanding of what I was about to do passing between us. I grabbed my keys, got into my car, and headed towards Oliver.