My Boys (boyxboy, girlxboy)

Chapter Nineteen

Samuels POV

I don't remember the last time I woke up without a headache or some kind of ache somewhere. These last few nights I had cried myself to sleep so I guess that explains it. I wish I could stop crying too, but it seems like every time I take a deep breath it bubbles and forms a sob.

At least Riley isn't mad at me anymore; I couldn't deal with it if he was. The look in his eyes was just like my fathers, disappointment. I never believed that Riley would hit me though, if there was something I could count on it was that.

I'm pathetic really. Sometimes I think I’m wearing an invisible sign that says 'looking to be smacked'. It's all people seem to do these days. Everybody is so unkind, and I don't know how to make it better.

Well everybody but my family. My new family of Riley, Cassie, Josh, Adam and now Angel. He was a funny guy. He was so confident and blunt it was sort of scary. But he had a nice smile and he didn't look bad. I guess I didn't have a very good ability to see when people were bad though. I didn't think my dad would be a bad man, or Derek.

Derek isn't all bad though! I swear he isn’t! He is scared that's all, just like me. He doesn't want me to leave, and I don't want him to stay. We are both afraid of each other.

I can't help but laugh out loud at that, making my head throb against the pillows. I'd never imagined someone could be afraid of me, and I didn't like the way it made me feel. I don't want anyone to feel the way I do, hurt the way that I do.

Derek makes my heart beat too fast and hard in my chest. He said that's a good thing apparently but I don't know. He says that love should hurt, so I guess this is love, because I hurt all over. Thankfully he hasn't umm touched me... intimately, since that night. He said he would let me recover fully.

I asked him if he meant to hurt me and he promised me he didn't. Sometimes he loses his temper and he says things he doesn't mean, lashes out. But he says that it's because he loves me so much and he couldn't stand if I left him.

I won't leave him; I can't now that we've had sex. Dad told me that when you find the girl of your dreams she's the one you'll give your virginity to and then that's it. I know Derek's not a girl but it happened and I can't leave now, I promised Dad when I was eleven.

I spoke to Derek yesterday, it was the first time we had spoken since the incident. He was apologising and telling me he loved me so much I couldn't get a word in, he said he would see me at lunch today, that I was supposed to meet him outside the school and we could go somewhere for lunch.

I'm a little nervous. Derek can go from very happy to very angry quickly. I'll just watch what I say and then we'll be fine. We can make up and move on properly.

"Sammy, you up?" I hear Riley whisper outside my door

"Yeah come in" I call back, happy when my voice doesn't shake. I saw how upset Riley was with me when I couldn't control my stutter. We had gotten so far and it was like I took us one hundred steps back.

He pops his head inside the door and sighs when he sees me, almost relived.

"How are you?" he asks nervously

"Good" I say quietly, moving to push myself up to sitting but it takes me a little while. My back hurts really badly, but I’m kind of used to that. This pain takes me by surprise because it kind of shoots up my spine and turns my legs too mush.

"What about your?"

"My?"

His eyes dart down to my crotch, which is covered of course but I still understood what he meant. I couldn't stop the blood from rushing to my ears and cheeks.