Play with Fire

[December] 15

The next morning, Hoseok woke up by an unknown sound. He opened his eyes and just listened to the sound. Then he turned his head only to see Hyungwon's head lying on top of his bare chest. And that's where also the sound came from. The younger was lightly snoring. Hoseok chuckled by the sight of Hyungwon's mouth opening every now and then, letting out the sounds.

He carefully managed to leave the bed without waking up the boy. Then he walked into the kitchen and looked around. The whole apartment was a complete mess. He sighed and then started cleaning everything. While he was cleaning the kitchen, he thought about Hyungwon and his mother. No wonder the apartment looked like this. The boy went through such a hard time right now, that keeping the house clean wasn't even on his to-do list for every day. And now... The choice he had to make... Even for a grown up was it a hard one. An extremely hard one. Hoseok couldn't even imagine making this choice for anyone. He sighed and the sadness and the sorrow was showing on his face. He wished he could've helped Hyungwon, by taking this awful and cruel choice for him but there was no way he would be alowed to.

"What are you doing there?"
Hoseok turned around and looked into the sleepy face of Hyungwon. His hair looked like a bird had slept in there and he was rubbing his left eye, to be able to see Hoseok at all.

"I'm... I'm cleaning." He tried to smile at Hyungwon but the boy didn't fall for it. "If you're just cleaning, then why is your face like that? You're sad, right? You're feeling pitty and sad for me, am I right?!" His voice got louder and louder while he walked towards Hoseok. His eyes were black from anger and his stare was so intense that Hoseok took a step back. Hyungwon noticed it and stopped.

"What? Are you now also scared of me?" His voice changed again and he looked at Hoseok with even more anger. His arms were crossed before his chest.
"N-No of course not. I lov..."
"I don't care about that! And I don't need your pity! I don't want it! Safe it for yourself!" He took the last step, that separated them before and started hitting Hoseoks muscular chest with his fists. Hoseok just stood there and endured it, because he knew that this was the only way the boy could let out his anger. At least for the moment.

And after a while the hitting became softer and slower until it eventually stopped. Hyungwons head was leaned against Hoseoks chest and between his heavy breathing the boy let out soft sobs. Carefully, the older put his arms around the boy and as soon as his arms had touched his back, Hyungwon enfold the older in his arms and his hands tightened while he grabbed Hoseoks shirt. The sobs increased und Hoseok had to pick him up and carry him to the couch, placing him on his lap, while whispering to him.

It took a while till the boy calmed down but then he looked at Hoseok and he noticed that all the anger in Hyungwons eyes had disappeared. The only thing left was his sadness but also the love he felt for Hoseok. "I'm sorry. I should've not let my anger out on you. You don't deserve that." Hoseok kissed him. "You don't need to apologize. I will always be by your side, okay? So don't worry about that. And I'm not feeling pity for you... well... maybe a little bit but it's not that I won't leave you because of some pity. I won't leave you because I love you. I will never leave you alone." Hyungwon nodded and wrapped his arms around Hoseok again.

"I will now finish cleaning this mess and you will rest here, you understood? I'll bring you a blanket and a pillow." The younger nodded defeated and wrapped himself into the blanket. And then he watched Hoseok cleaning the apartment. But at some point he must've fell asleep because when he opened his eyes again, he saw the food on the plate next to the couch. It wasn't something special, but he immediately knew that Hoseok had made it. It was ramyun and the cook sat on the ground and waited for Hyungwons reaction.

He took the first bite and Hoseoks eyes widened while he looked at him questioning. Hyungwon grinned and showed him that he liked it by holding his thumps up. Hoseok smiled brightly and started eating by himself. Seeing the older so happy made Hyungwons heart jump. "Didn't knew you can cook that good. Where did you learn that?" Hoseok felt his cheeks blushed and he looked into his bowl. "I've learned it all by myself. And I'm still practicing." He looked at Hyungwon but his eyes didn't focused on the boy in front of him. "My parents kicked me out when I was still in high school and I need to live by myself since that. So I also had to learn to cook, if I didn't want to starve." He looked at Hyungwon and felt his eyes tearing up. "After all this years, this is the second time I've made Ramyun. And the first time that I've cooked it for anybody else than myself."

He tried to hold back his tears, when he suddenly felt Hyungwons arms around his body and Hyungwons lips on his cheeks. "I'm sorry to hear that. I would've never asked if I knew that before." Hoseok smiled at the boy to reassure him that everything was fine.

"Don't worry about me. That happened so long ago, it doesn't matter anymore. But I'm happy you liked it. That means there is still hope for my cooking skills." He laughed and started eating again. But deep inside the story did matter. Someday he had to tell Hyungwon about that day but the time hasn't come yet, so he locked the thoughts away and tried to convince Hyungwon that everything was alright.

After cleaning the bowls the two sat down on the couch, Hyungwon again wrapped into his blanket and started to watch Hyungwons favourite movie. But after the long and emotional exhausting day, the boy couldn't keep his eyes open for a long time and eventually fell asleep. Hoseok smiled at him and carefully carried him into his bed. The he walked back into the living room and opened his laptop. He didn't have to search long before founding what he was looking for.

It was an old picture of him and his family. He was about 5 years old on that photo and both his parents looked so proud at their little son. Hoseok sighed and his thoughts drifted back to the day he lost everything. The day he was kicked out of the house.

It was a hot summer day and he did come back home late that day. His father was already drunken, when he entered the living room. Every window was widely opened and the fan was trying to fight against the heat. His father throw one look at Hoseok before turning his head towards the TV again. "Where have you been? Didn't I tell you to be home by 8?" Hoseok looked at his feet and mumbled an apology. Since his father couldn't hear him, the old man stood up as fast as possible after 5 beers and almost the same amount of soju and walked over to his son.

He was able to avoid the first hit but the second and the third one landed exactly on his face and on his nose. He fell on the ground holding his nose tightly, trying to avoid looking at the blood that came out of it. His father started to curse at him and continued to beat him and that was the moment his mother came in. He tried to signale her, that she should've stayed out of this but as she saw her son laying on the ground, bleeding, she couldn't just stand there and watch how her husband beated Hoseok up. She barged in between Hoseok and his father and the next slap hit her face instead of Hoseoks body.

After Hoseoks father recognized his wife, he stopped for a minute and staggered back a few steps. But not shortly after, the anger came back but this time his target was his wife. Hoseok tried to help her but she always pushed him away and told him to run away. Which he finally did. The tears run down his cheeks while he turned around and run away.

The screams of his mother still in his ears, Hoseok startled and opened his eyes. He was still in Hyungwons apartment. Everything was fine. He was safe. But his heart was still racing and his breath was far away from steady. He looked again at the photo but this yime focused on his mother. He never had the courage to search for her or even call her. He was too afraid to find out that his dad beat her to death that day. He missed her like crazy.

With another sigh he closed the laptop and quietly walked into the bedroom. As soon as he touched the sheets, Hyungwon turned around and wrapped his arms around him. Hoseok smiled and closed his eyes, immediately falling asleep. He just wanted to forget everything. Hyungwon was more important and he would've never forgive himself if he ruined this relationship.