Colleagues

Chapter 4 | Margot

Sadie Brooks was too sincere.

I realized this as I observed her from my desk while she worked. I liked observing people from afar. You can learn a lot from looking at somebody when they think nobody is watching. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. For me, an expression was worth twice as much. Some people were hard to crack, often hiding behind emotional walls or facades. Those types of people took me a while to decode.

But Sadie was easy. As she studied the sheet of paper in front of her it became clear that she had no walls or barriers protecting her from the rest of the world. She was too genuine for her own good, and I knew it would come back to haunt her.

After talking to her the day before, I became aware of two things. First, she was completely incompetent. Sadie had absolutely no clue what she was doing. It made me wonder how she'd even ended up here in the first place.

I came from nothing, both my parents immigrating from Cuba right before I was born. I had to work twice as hard on my studies as my peers, and it came through in my test scores and consistently high performance reviews. With that straight blond hair and those unassuming blue eyes, she probably had never needed to claw her way to the top like I had, and it showed.

The second thing I discovered was that she clearly played for the other team. Where most girls would be struck dumb by Cody's overrated charms, Sadie appeared unfazed. That was interesting. You didn't meet a lot of gay people here at Parker and Johnson.

Sadie glanced up, meeting my eyes for a moment and then looking back down. Her expression soured slightly. That was okay. I didn't need her to like me. We were just colleagues after all. A loose strand of hair fell from her ponytail as she worked, and I so desperately wanted to walk over and fix it. Everything about her annoyed the shit out of me. For the first time ever, I began to miss old Gary.

Then my entire life was turned upside down when Cynthia called us into her office, putting me on the worst case of all time with the worst partner of all time. I wanted to quit right then and there, but I knew two things: I had worked too hard to get on my boss's good side, and the bills were definitely not going to pay themselves.

In the end, no matter how unethical it was or how much it made me utterly sick to the stomach, I had to win this case. I had to ignore the striking similarities between Earl Wilson's behavior and Christian's. My life wasn't anything like Megan's. I had control over my situation, Megan didn't. And I loved Christian with all my heart. He just had a few flaws. Everyone does.

~~~

Now, hours later, as I sat down at the edge of the bed Christian and I shared sometimes, I felt the hot flow of tears running down my face. I searched my mind desperately, trying to find where the conversation went wrong. I hadn't meant to make Christian mad, but to him every word was a challenge, every phrase an attack.

But I always told myself the same thing: He would never hit me. As long as he never hits me it's okay. But today was different. I had seen it in his eyes. Even though he hadn't touched me, there was a moment of indecision, and I was sure he was going to do it. The thought of it made my skin crawl. I heard Christian stir behind me, causing me to wipe my eyes frantically with my pajama sleeves. I suddenly felt 13 years old again.

"Babe, you coming to bed?" he mumbled sleepily. No, I wanted to say. In fact, nothing would nauseate me more. But the words were lodged inside of my throat.

"In a bit," I replied, my voice shaking. Christian turned to his side and promptly fell back to sleep.

Once again, I felt the familiar burning sensation that comes before crying, but this time I refused to let it overcome me. I forced myself to forget his unrelenting insults aimed at my character and intelligence. Of course he hadn't meant it.

I thought about confronting him the next day, but it wouldn't make a difference. Christian would be a completely different person tomorrow, happy, patient, and even kind. I couldn't confront that Christian and still reach the resentful, almost violent, Christian I saw today. I knew I couldn't keep living like this. Uncomfortable. Scared. Even desperate. But maybe he could change.

I just had to hold out until then.