Adopted (a Zalfie fanfic) [1]

Chapter 18

*Lily's POV*
"Do you feel more comfortable around me than with Alfie?" Zoe asked, breaking the silence that had formed. My head was still leant on her shoulder and she had her arm around me.

I sat up straight and leant my back against the rough bark. "I-it's not that I like Alfie any less, i-it's just that..." I sort of just trailed off, not knowing how to put what I wanted to say into words.

"He's not going to be upset or offended if you don't feel comfortable around him, he understands." She said, looking me in the eyes.

"W-when I was smaller...t-there was a man, called Dennis, who ran the care home. H-he took one look at me and decided to hate me. H-he made my life hell, th-throwing me in with anybody who was willing to take me in and told them bad things about me that weren't true. Th-this made them not like me and they soon lost their patience, h-hurting me in the process." I paused. "I-I'm scared all men would be like Dennis or the foster parents."

I looked down at the grass. It took every bit of strength in me to not break down in floods of tears there and then. As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop a few tears from rolling down my cheeks. "Not all men are like them. Alfie can't even go within a 2m radius of a money spider, he would never so much as lay a finger on you." Zoe reassured. There was something about her that made me feel so much more at ease, more like the person I was behind the cloud of dread and anxiety that fogged up my brain.

"D-deep down I know he wouldn't, b-but every time I meet new people, e-especially men, my brain automatically tells me they're going to hurt me." I explain. Zoe looked confused.

"Has nobody ever helped you?" She said. I could see tears forming in her blue eyes and I was quietly hoping she wasn't going to cry because I wouldn't know what to do.

"W-when I was eleven, a-after I had been to four different homes, Emma came and Dennis left. I don't know what she thought was wrong with me b-but she knew all about my past and Dennis and the foster parents. I had to go in the office for these meetings with two people. Th-they asked me questions about my past. About things I didn't want to think about...S-so I blocked them out." I said. "I-I didn't answer their questions. They started to get annoyed and they left, n-never to be seen again."

"Do you think things would be different now if they would have helped you?" She asked.

"I always think about it. I-I probably wouldn't be in the state I'm in now if I hadn't been so stupid and just talked to them."

"Your not stupid, never think that. You were scared, it's normal."

"I-I really want this to work. Me, you and Alfie. I-I am really going to try and be normal...more like I was before all this, before this nightmare." I said. I felt the familiar lump in my throat threatening to make me cry. I managed to control it and stayed strong.

"When we spend some more time together, we will hopefully start to feel more like friends to you, maybe even family..." Zoe said, trailing off towards the end. She looked at me with that famous bright smile, the one that melted my heart so long ago.

"I-it's still so surreal. Y-you and Alfie, you have been my idols for so long, the only two people who gave me any sense of normality, the ones to bring some happiness into my life. I-it's been an unreal dream of mine ever since I clicked on the 'play' button for the first time, to meet you....a-and now I'm sat here next to you discussing becoming a family. It's s-so weird." I said. I was surprised with myself at how much I was speaking. I literally hadn't spoke this much to anyone for a long time, not even Emma.

"And I'm so glad we're sat here together too. It's not like I'm talking to a fan, it's like I'm talking to a friend. Hopefully this will be the first of many visits." Zoe replied, her smile stretching from ear to ear. "What do you want to be when your older?" She asked. It was a random question yet something I always thought so much about.

"I-I really don't know. I guess I-I would like to travel, see the world from a different point of view. B-but that's not going to happen if I'm still in this mess is it?"

"It will happen because you won't be in this mess forever. Alfie and I, we're going to be your family. You will live with us and have someone to love and care for you. You can travel the world, meet new people, make new friends. Experience different cultures and environments, explore amazing parts of the world. You can do anything you put your mind too." Zoe said.

There was something about those words, those few inspiring words, that made something click in my brain. It didn't have to be this way forever...